Not so, and just make and give birth to a new person. Desperate moments to women asking a sense of humor. Pics.Ru collected the plague stories about pregnancy and childbirth, which Moms themselves shared.
Physical training
I say to my husband: "And I read here on the Internet that if you attach the ear to the stomach, you can hear how the heart beats at the baby!" The husband looked at me frightened and said heartly: "Please promise me that you won't do it !!!"
Solemn moment
I decided to take a bath, I am going, and here the water is departed, I do not believe, but water is still pouring. It was frightened, sat on the chair and voi Bulgia. So bitter. Then I run into the room, all shakes, turn on the light, screaming to the entire capital: "I give birth!" The husband jumps, asking for a camcorder, screams: "So, my stitching gives birth!" - And begins to shoot me. Eh, then my patience burst.
All the most needed
In a panic, I started stuffing everything that might you need in childbirth and after the husband's backpack, just returned from the campaign. In the reception room, they were not even surprised, and just Milo asked, they say, why I also have a tent in the maternity hospital, it seems like enough. And I did not notice that it was neatly tied on the other side of the backpack.
On the way to the hospital
I did everything that traffic cops stop us. I'm driving in a bathrobe (so as not to soak everything around) with fights and waters, my sister next to the book "Birth", open on the chapter "Fight" in one hand and with a stopwatch in another, in the rear seat peacefully sniffing husband!
Body Art.
The day of birth came in a week, the weather was wonderful, and we decided to smell on kebabs with friends. We came down on glory, a photo session was stupid, with the apotheosis of which my abdomen painted with green and brown gouache in the form of a ripe watermelon. At the end, they decided even the disco to arrange, as a result, a cotton rang out at the next par and moved water. My husband grabbed me with fear and quickly dragged in the maternity hospital ... The midwives fell apart. They said that this is the first time in the history of the hospital to them came to give birth to watermelon.
High culture maternity hospital
Rose to the maternity department, placed in a separate ward. And silence is so around ... as if I am alone. I ask: "Why not shout?" We looked at me strange and said: "We have culturally give birth."
ATTENTION, now crashes slippers!
Already, at all, they began with might and main, and doctors, as it was not, and not ... And screamed and growled - everything is no sense. Apparently, when tea in the ordinator drink, the ears are lying completely. In desperation, I took my slippers and threw a random on the door. Well, who knew that in a fraction of a second, the door will open and the long-awaited doctor will arise on the threshold ...
Good doctor
The doctor with a ferocious species jumped me under the nose of the horrific sizes of the fist and screamed: "Did you see it? And hurt you ??? How are you going to give birth? And the child's head is like that! .. "- and she inscribed in the air a circle, at the form of which my heart stopped fighting. God, in my 20 years I didn't even have such a huge head!
Sister on happiness
From the open box he was heard a frightened maned girl: "Oh, how hurts! I don't want to give birth! ", And a calm voice of the doctor exhorted in response:" Of course! We will now quickly give birth and no longer. "
Tu-tuuu!
"Breathei !!! I speak, breathe !!! " "How? ..." "The train !!!" "Chuh-Chuh-Chuh ..." ... Here the midwives almost fell from laughter.
Medical feat
My neighbor dsked! Doctor says: "Come on! The head is almost visible! " She grabbed the poor doctor in response for a causal place and quietly stuck: "I will not ... I understand?!" The doctor first walked, then quietly gripped, then he began to green in the color of the bathrobe, but she says so quietly: "Bunny, you need!"
After anesthesia
When I started to leave the operating room after Cesarean, I open my eyes, everything floats and spinning, I bury a muddy look around - no one! I think: "Now loudly cry, calling a doctor Ali nurse, find out at least like Lyalya." In fact, instead of a loud cry, as she wanted, there was a syprel, quiet and slow: "Lyuyuyudyiaiii !!! Auuuuuuuuuuu, are you somewhere ??? !!! " Running a anesthesiologist heard right above his head (I did not rise my eyes upside down), and the same outlet answer: "We are still !!!"
Medical ethics
I am lying in the chair, the doctor is sewn. And here someone calls her from the corridor: - Elena Petrovna, where are you? - Here! - Where? She (after thinking a little and coughing): Vagina! It can be seen, I wanted to answer rhyme, but he was ashamed.
Dad can
Fights long, the woman in labor yells a good mat, suffer. The husband on the nervous soil ran smoking when he returned, he did not go to the maternity box, but he sat down in the corridor next to the entrance to the box and from there, hearing his wife's moans, shouted her: "Hold on, faith! I'm with you, my good, hold on, dear !!! " So he morally supported her until the nurse had not said to him: "What are you yelling here? Your wife has long gave birth and took her away to another ward! ". And there another give birth ...
And the Jeedle Zverly
- Nuuu ... who is it? - My frog! - Woman what is saying, you gave birth to a boy!
We guess in the women in labor
After Cesarean, I am taken to the corridor, I look - the husband and his son stands on his hands - contented such. They brought to him, stopped. He asks: "How do you feel?" I: "Normally, only shakes strongly." The doctor's husband asks: "Why is her shaking?". He so seriously answers: "Frosts soon!"
There are women in Russian hospitals
Everything was like in the fog. I only remember the stick from the iron bed, which I was inadvertently broken and tried to hide.
Valuable Nakhodka
Then I was taken to postpartum and forgot until the second day. I was from an intelligent family and was always quiet. He suffered until he stops, then began to lunch, and after screamed so that she ran a sanitary. I look at me: "Who are you?" "I gave birth at 5 in 5 am, I want to go to the toilet, I want to eat ..." She flies with cries on the corridor: "Momka was found, she did not run away! Girls, ***, Call back to the police, I found a mother !!! "
Under the impression
After a couple of hours after giving birth, I get sms from my husband: "Can you laugh?" . I answer: "Even need, what's the matter?" - I left you, walked on Vaska - and then what? - Drived on a minibus to the center -? - Then he had dinner in the cafe - and what's the funny? - Then came down in the subway and ... - and? "And one kind man told me that I was in the boots." Source: Forum.say7.info.
