"This is your shared futility is not only a daughter, but also yours," my psychologist said about my sidelines on the theme of kindergarten. And she is right. We must take and survive the inevitability of kindergarten and hell associated with him.
Two months of the daughter garden are truly two months of my personal hell. I need to leave the child where she is bad, with people whom she is afraid. For me it turned out to be a surprise that kindergarten does not give me personal freedom, that this is not a relief of life for me, but an additional load.
I had to accept the fact that kindergarten is a system. And no my efforts will do, for example, educators polite and affectionate, and the casserole on the afternoon snatch is delicious. Including financial assistance to the group.
But, one way or another, I had to accept what I could not change. And survive the futility of their efforts. I passed my adaptation. Like many mothers who do not have a material opportunity to give a child to a private garden friendly to children, and they, like me, lead the child to that municipal garden, which given - without choice. And here or lucky, or not lucky. We were not very lucky with my daughter.
So, and only so, and in no way
Iron conviction necessarily and the inevitability of kindergarten is the main key to success. If there is no conviction, you will be drown in doubt and sympathy for the child. Yes, the child is a pity, but in a different way. Therefore, even if you sit in the dressing room of a kindergarten with a sobbing child, while the child calms down and disagree himself to go to the group, you know that you will leave, and the child will remain.
Pure conscience
Help the child in his adaptation: rituals of farewells and meetings, emotional contact with the child to the garden and after the attitude towards hysterics, help in establishing contact with educators - useful and mother. Awareness that you did everything that depends on you, gives strength and tranquility.
Am I mother or not mother?!
Confidence is that how you adapt the child to the garden is optimal for your child. This item for me follows from the previous one and echoes the first. Self-confidence allows pretty to save power.
I stood on gradual adaptation and on the preservation of trust open relationships with a child, on the inadmissibility of violence, including psychological. Tears, hysterics, manifestation of negative feelings are allowed. Although it was not easy to contain, "digest" the child's feelings ... But then the help of a psychologist was helped, - the item next. And "postlade".
With whom to swim?
Ideally, although it is not always available - the help of like-minded people. A children's psychologist helped me. Almost every day after I dreamed of a daughter in the garden, I leaned with her online. And much became clearer. She also helped me realize that the problems with the garden were not caused by my or daughter malfunction, but the properties of the pedagogical system. And that I do not deal with people, but with the details of the mechanism.
And helped a friend - the Adept of home education. She said that he understood me, that yes, it's so difficult for me, she sympathizes me so much ... hugged me, I cooked me coffee or poured the shelter of wine. "I took on the handles" and in general it comforted in every way when I shared after another conversation with the educator.
But this is my case. Perhaps you trust just experience the system and educators. It is important that the support of those or the one you trust was.
Hush hush…
Banally, but acts. Relaxing practices. Soothing drops, teas or pills. Water procedures. Fresh air. Physical exercise. I often went from kindergarten on foot. Usually we go to the garden by bus (what kind of garden gave ...), walking up a quick step in comfortable sneakers - 30-35 minutes. In particularly difficult days I reached the house in 20 minutes. He took the shower, fell on the bed ... we were crying several times, tears also relax and calm down. In the evenings, they walked slowly along with her daughter, lay in an embrace with her daughter. Baby relaxing baths, massages, walks, running and jumping are also useful, by the way.
Freedom illusory
The initial readiness for the fact that freedoms can and "not happen." At the very least, the first time a kindergarten can be not released for you, but an additional load. And moral, and physical, and material. I had no such readiness. Necess to buy a bunch of clothes to not wash every day, form on physical education, boots are not the warmest / beautiful / comfortable / cheap, and so that the girl can worry and get together (with comfortable fasteners, or completely without fasteners), caused irritation And was not scheduled in the family budget.
The fact that the first two months of the garden will be time to continuously combat the system, also turned out to be a surprise.
Children's psychologist Liana Naboshvili advises mothers to start adaptation of the child to the garden for 3-6 months before going to work (of course, if there is such an opportunity, unfortunately, it is not all of everyone): "The addictive kid to the kindergarten is an unpredictable process with A huge number of variables: you have to take into account the features of the baby, its age, temperament, and the mood of parents, and the style of work of teachers in kindergarten, and much more. And one child without special difficulties enters the garden system, and another need a few weeks or even months to adapt, so it is desirable to have a certain reserve "for maneuver".
Why is it all necessary?
Conscious lessons learning also helps - through the rationalization of the situation and abstraction from it. What gave me the most not yet completed adaptation to me to the daughter's kindergarten?
Great confidence in your abilities and in its maternal right. The ability to impose for your child and defend our personal borders with it. This is perhaps one of the most significant achievements for me. When the teacher says: "So you explain to the child that the child misunderstood, I'm not swearing, but I'm just talking loudly," I answer: "I will not tell my child that she doesn't feel wrong."
Be friends, be friends ... but be realistic
And even what we have, unfortunately, did not work out - relations with teachers. If possible, it costs these relationships to establish and maintain. When a child sees that Mom is friendly communicating with the educator, it is easier for him to take change and survive separation with his parents. And the mother is easier to leave the child in the garden.
Liana Nortrooshvili: "It is important to try to find a balance between defending its principles and correct, respectful interaction. Definitely you should not wait for an individual approach to the child in kindergarten - in any group, the interests of the majority will be more important than the interests of a separate person. " I'm in the struggle for ensuring that the child was good, tried to achieve an individual approach. Realistic expectations are another key to success.
