The writer and Writer Anna Kozlova told social networks, which is similar to the mother's life is not in cinema and glossy women's magazines. We wanted to say that we publish her post as a private opinion, but they thought and decided to admit that we simply agree with him.
I feel good for motherhood, I do not care about lick. Therefore, all women who stay in the Holy Union and merger immediately invite you to go to the exit - you are by. This text is not an instruction and not even a recommendation, it's just a story about the feelings that I experienced since the very moment of the birth of my children and who were not approved, were not understood and did not take people close to me nor society. New Year's clip about evil Santo performed in my case a detonator.
Everyone knows that children are difficult, hard, requires self-denial. The only thing that no one will tell you is the fact that children under three years are very boring.
I was mortally boring to engage in a small child, but other people seemed to see it. They died from tenderness from one of the views of the Baby, and it drove me crazy. I thought: what a creature I am, if I don't like to spend time with my own child. As an adult person can like the deadly seat of the house, subordinate to feeding, madings and washing, I still incomprehensible.
I loved my children, but I wanted to escape all the time, and I vinila myself. Moreover, there was always a certain number of mothers in acute psychosis, which showed a positive example. They with sincere (as it seemed to me) the interest described their weekdays "with a one year old", they argued on the topic of hospitals, vaccinations and winter overalls, in general, demonstrated a deep immersion that I was not fatally interested. And for this, I also vinyl myself.
All around, including other "good" mothers, behaved so that it was clear: I should not have any own desires, except for the desire, so that the child was good. Moreover, almost all of my interests seemed direct threat to the well-being of the child. You can not train in the hall (you, what, gave birth to train?), You can not want to leave home (and you thought how a child without mom?), Cannot be social activity (and you will go from a child to some kind of gathering, where Everyone will cough on you?!), You can not even communicate virtually (I would take a walk with the child, instead of sitting at the computer!).
When I began to go outside with a stroller, I shocked how completely extraneous and unfamiliar people began to take me. The stroller was a kind of trigger that allowed them to talk to me, give me advice, and most often critical. Although I didn't seem to run with a cry "Help me, I don't know what to do !!!". I was told how I should wear a child and what to give him a nipple badly, I was scolded for the fact that I can't calm the child when he cries, or immediately explained why he cries (in my, of course, wine).
Doctors also saw in me, at best, mentally retarded, in the worst - a conscious pest. For example, when my son fell and got a concussion, a doctor in the hospital showed me some stains on X-ray his head and strictly asked about the course of pregnancy. All this looked as if I specifically set up the doctor these stains, I had a bad pregnancy, and now the doctor is forced to suffer.
My whole life after the birth of children looked as if I gave society the right to watch me and judge my actions. The requirements that were presented to me, although they seemed unreal to me, I, nevertheless, sincerely believed that it was possible to meet them in principle.
I came to the orthopedic doctor on a planned reception, and he asked, and what I don't go with a child on physiotherapy? And why every day for twenty minutes I do not spend therapeutic gymnastics with a pencil and twisted towel, which you need to capture your fingers? The answer "No time" was the worst answer, he always followed a comment: "If you have already started a child, you have to do." In kindergarten I was asked why I am not ironing socks and pajamas? If you started a child.
But even it was not the most terrible. The most terrible was that somewhere very nights all the time Mothers who did all this were found. They, unlike me, were not lazy and loved their children. I always told me about such mothers. Tanya - so well done! Four times a week carries a girl in Perovo to music school! And on Sundays also for drawing! And I again felt the guilt for the fact that four times a week I want to hang, and on Sundays, only a telephone is a support and salvation to me, especially from 10 to 12, when there is a spongebob.
It was even worse with personal communication. When the people with whom I have come across a purely at work, I learned that I have children, they first wondered, and what did I not say that? That is, they seemed normal to start talking from words: Hello, I am Anya, I, by the way, there are children!
I am even stronger than me questions about them: how are your kids? - eg. Probably, this is an innocent question, even polite, but I could have a humiliating subtext. The hint of the fact that, besides the children, talking to me about what, and I, apparently, nothing else is interesting.
In fact, do not ask the same colleagues: how is your husband? And how is your mom? And how is your erosy of the cervix? And only about children is considered to be permissible and even mandatory. And the correct answer is always like this - stretch the lips in a dicky smile and say dreamily: oh, they are wonderful! .. (If you say that they got you, people wake up).
All interested in how children spend time while mom works? Usually this question implies pity for children. If you say that children have a nanny and you pay her so much money, people swing their heads. For my back at work, questions were constantly sounded: why do you even give birth to children to leave them on the nanny and go to work? ..
Following this, right for example, I understood the difficult period of your life, I understood one thing. If in terms of career, appearance, weight and even sexual orientation to fight back still poorly, then with children in any way. Every day, new and new women join the competition called "The Best Mother", without even suspecting that the race will never end, and there is simply no prize.
Text source: Anna Kozlova
Photos: shutterstock