It is rather difficult to maintain a conversation in a civilized level, if you yell so that art from the walls falls. Or lever in rage. Or roar like a ship siren, and you can not disassemble anything.
But even such a conversation can be translated into rational rails, if we apply some techniques of professional psychologists and negotiators.
keep calm
One violent here is already there, let's not multiply the entities. Otherwise, it turns out not a conversation, but "Godzilla vs. Hulk": the population in panic, the city in ruins and failure at the box office. Anger and scream is a pretty primitive reaction to the stimulus, but not for that many years have evolved the millions of years to allow the Bay or Run system to take power over you when you need a mind. Remember that your task is now to agree to something specific, and not to eat opponent in half (and do not slam the door).
Look at the interlocutor as a child
He clearly lost control and does not think very well what it does. I would see - there would be negotiations instead of swearing and crying. We are not trying to provide a roaring infant logical calculations? The best thing is to skip your hysteria past the ears and work with a problem that undergoes it. With adults the same: there is no point in explaining to them that they will not help the roar. So do the form that there is no scandal - all this emotional tinsel is currently insignificant.
Hyness degree drama
All this is beautiful, but the person is still yelling. It's time to muffle it. Ask the interlocutor to speak Potya / Personal / Honor, otherwise you will not understand anything and you can not help / fix / explain. This simple technique uses professional negotiators, and psychiatrists working with aggressive patients. Just do not ask the person to "stop screaming" or "calm down" - no one, no one likes to execute orders, and even more so admit that he flew from the coils. Just ask to slow down - this is a tearing pattern with a crackling pattern, because a person is waiting for you to protect or attack, objections or justification - but no way ready to cooperate.
Ask instructions
To return a person to Earth from his tantrum tests, you need to make his brains work in a constructive key. And there is nothing better than a simple question: "What should I do?". It makes it stops and thinking about the answer - somehow it is very stupid to answer "nothing" and continue the op. And certainly no one will say "nothing, I just want to shout at you." Did not notice any changes in the air? Yes, this is no longer the taming of the wild beast, but negotiations.
Do not argue, but ask
If you tell you "You're doing everything wrong!", Answer something about it seems "Yes, I do everything perfectly!" - FIGURE STRATEGY. The excuse is both protection, and attack at once ("I do not recognize your right point, you are lying, you lost"). Better ask questions: what exactly do I do wrong when exactly how often and how it is necessary? Should it be great infuriates? Do you have a lot of problems because of this? What? This is the classic trick of negotiators, which makes the opponent believe that you are not an enemy and in general, understand its feelings and needs well. And you, in turn, get a bunch of useful information and a calm, rational interlocutor.
Smaller "you", more "I"
Do not hang labels and do not try to pretend that you know a person like irradiated. Instead, "you always leave srach in the kitchen" Tell me "I want a kitchen clean." The meaning is exactly the same, but the person will not explode due to the fact that you turn out to be secretly consider it a pig.
