A pair of honey spoons (I love the "red chapel", sinful) little saves the barrel of Russian series, consisting a little more than completely from de ... well, let's notify. No one can understand how the descendants of Pushkin and Dostoevsky turns out to be written: "Detective, save what I do, I did not cut her men's panties" (the video is not for the faint of heart, remove the children from the screen). And like the heirs of Daly and Ranevskaya it turns out to play worse than the average stool.
The exact answer to these questions may be given anthropologists of the future, but if we are transferred to the television kitchen, we will be able to give them at least the direction: where to dig.Step 1. Incidentally
So, the Budget is formed on the channel, and the pathos producers are sitting in the negotiable on the fellow - and what will we shoot next year? Each producer has a million and a half ideas and synopsis, which accumulated over previous years, but reread them too. In addition, there are numbers (roughly speaking, a visual table of success of the series) last year - both their own, and competitors. Competitors are more interesting, of course. Therefore, the conversation is spinning around: "But why don't we do the same thing? What is immediately "plagiarism"? We will carry and no one will notice. " Yeah.
The glider, as a rule, ends positively: "We will conquer the world." Well, that is, ends with nothing.
STEP 2.Clotes
Each channel producer has a couple of naughty and not very product studios. If the production studio does not sell his idea and the sale of the canal, then she will have nothing to eat. Accordingly, the task of producer produced is to convince the channel producer that conquer the world best together. The problem is that the production has no idea what the channel wants. This is little depends on the quality of the content, rather - from the phases of the moon, uranium in the caller and the left heel of the mother-in-law. Therefore, the task of production - to bring as much as possible (and suddenly the unexpected will shoot?) And very eloquently sell the story about Cinderella (90% of the stories in the domestic segment - somehow about Cinderella). But where is it selling to take a hundred stories about Cinderella of varying degrees of hardcore? True, authors.Step 3.Vers
Scriptwriters are people who, obviously, in the past life were Hitler's companions, so karma flew to them right in the forehead, foot and with a turn. These are people who were alive in hell. They can wait for months to wait for the order, and then, waiting, to see, about it, here: "There is a project! I still do not know: it is Telemouth or TV series. But then complete freedom. I have Vision, you have to guess. No, I can not explain, it is not expressed with words. But you are smart. Well, I don't pay money for something. You're trying to. Called "green woodpecker." We are a little embarrassed by birds in the title. But it is impossible to change. Customer against. And we for. Maybe you can? "
When the stunned screenwriter drinks the annual stock of Corvalol and folds in the mind of the exemplary synopsis series about Dyatlach on the 24-Series, he flies a new letter from the production. In an attachment, a selection of Hungarian arthow 70s with a comment: "Hungarians tried to do this, but it is categorically not that." But since the scriptwriters are not scattered, they are sitting until the morning and slam the Hungarian Cinderella, which dropped out of the green nest.
Step 3. Production VS Writer
Outline Products reads sent by Sinopsis, drinks the annual stock of Corvalol, dials the phone number of the scriptwriter and gently speaks into the tube with a human voice: "Do you - okrenel?"The screenwriter, as any creative madman, located in permanent hysterics, falls into righteous rage, yells, which cannot work in such conditions and let him normally put the task. But production cannot normally put the task, for it does not know that in the head of the canal. Because what? Right. Because the channel still does not know.
As a result, the sale and screenwriter go on a fragile ice of hope that they will be able to guess and get the channel to the cerebellum, the pituitary gland, the clitoris or where there has a decision area of decision-making. They make one hundred attempts, lasted 99 times, but as a result (let's say), tear off Jack Pope in the form of a successful attempt to number one hundred. At this stage, the screenwriter, as a rule, is already hanging in the loop and clicks the laptop keys with a thumb.
Step 4.Stranate VS Channel
Of course, no pathos producer will not read the first dermal (version of the script), nor the second or the tenth. It will only read the last. Which, of course he, will not like it, and the process will begin again. And intermediate drawers read the editors of the channel, which in most cases do not know the letters, in principle. And if you know, they are better to put letters in place and never touch again.
I know two good channel editors, but one already quit (Misha, hello), and the second (Hi, Larisa) courageously eating a cactus surrounded by wild snakes. Comments by the absolute majority of editors look, approximately, so: "Why does the author writes:" Houston, we have problems "? The author is not aware that our action takes place in Moscow? " No, I did not come up with it, this is a quote. As a result, the final of the screenwriter looks, usually, like this. And the screenwriter himself gives himself a honest word, which will be passed by this project and run to work on uranium mines - for health any good.
Step 5. Director VS Channel
The director, as a rule, is allowed to be a little more freedom than the script, but give a monstrous scenario (see Hashe, he could not turn out to be different) and do not give money. From this the director is angry, it flies, at night revises the episode of the TV series "24", where directors were allowed to blow up a nuclear bomb in Los Angeles, crying, eats ice cream and sick high cholesterol. He still does not know what to see the mounted material, the channel will say that the climax needs to be thrown away, but instead add three scenes instead. And the fact that the whole nature was filmed in the summer, and now winter, so it is nothing. "Come up with anything, you are an expert."Step 6.Technology
During the border of the cinema, and we remove. Semantic difference determines the degree of horror. Once, during London filming together with the British group, we got traumatic shock, when exactly five o'clock in the evening, British colleagues gathered the equipment and went to drink beer. So what? The working day ended. Exhaust technology always determines success. Violation of the schedule is a reason for dismissal with a wolf ticket. And we can at nine evenings to sit on the makeup so that the first double will go in three nights. Because the light exhibited. Or drank coffee. Or the fate of the Motherland reasoned, for example.
Step 7. Savings
Cinema is the easiest and most convenient way to cut money. A hungry cheap screenwriter will write for five kopecks, and the fact that he will write garbage - so the piple is still sitting. You can pay him one fifth (or tenth) from the scenario budget, and the rest of the beads.
According to this principle, most of the group is hired - this is expensive, let's take the young, inexperienced, but cheaper. The lion's share of the budget, of course, is dug on the actors. On small roles are typing at all from the street. Think - Three sentences in the camera say, why should I learn for five years? Not to mention that talent is not the main reason to get a student ticket of the theater institute, so cheap actors with a diploma are not a panacea. Hence the eternal stools in the role of "girlfriend of the main character." But in the episode, some star is removed in the episode, which takes the entire acting budget for one shooting day and is written in the titers first, as if he plays a major role.
Step 8. Rating
Since the cinema and serials are a business, he, accordingly, is guided by the laws of business. Especially the main thing: demand gives rise to a sentence. And even if we assume that the sensible channel producer met with a good production, excellent screenwriter and a talented director. Even if we assume that they did not smoke all the money in the intervals. Even if the transit uranium in the Taurus favors shooting in the crisis! Anyway, before the film crews lie inexorable last year's figures, which say that the highest rating was the series "Healing Coma", where the heroine passed all the way from miscarriage and loss of memory to a prince and horse through the swamps of stone jungle. And advertisers will not pay a low-tech show. Therefore, stop your fantasy flight, do not intelligence and do what works with our target audience.
So the Russian series, the Russians, shit is not because we have no talented people. And simply because we are all - assholes. Sorry.