An experienced viewer would not look even at the threat of execution. Therefore, he had to look at it under a very affectionate request of the heads of PICS (someone, help, they took away our passports!)
Attention: Spoiler! Pornographic spoiler inside. Do not read if you do not like spoilers, pornography, arthus and love a little a little.
The elderly uncle with a good face finds out the street beaten age aunt. Tenka refuses the "ambulance" and asks a cup of tea.
Cut.
The aunty lies in the uncle pajamas on the bed, Uncle brings tea and listens to her story of her life.
Two little girls - a heroine named Joe and her girlfriend by name no matter - they found interesting things between the legs. And came up with a cheerful game of frogs: you need to pour the floor in the bathroom with water, and then fierce on this floor in all seats. The experienced viewer reached out to turn off, but he remembered the order of the authorities.
And the heroine tells the compassionate uncle, as wondering virginity. She was, it means, the first love named Jerome. Jerome had beautiful hands and moped. Listen, - said the heroine Jerome, - you could not deprive me of virginity? No problem, - shrugged by Jerome, - lie down. And then he jerked three times in front and five times behind, so that no virginity was left anywhere. And the moped went to repair. And the heroine since then does not like the figures 3 and 5.
The fellow elderly uncle listens carefully, nods, poured tea and quotes the "Faust". The heroine also does not fall into the dirt face and shifts encyclopedic knowledge, reporting that if you fold all the extreme flesh, cropped over the entire existence of humanity, it will turn out to be the road from Mars and back.
Joe is trying to politely say that thanks, no need, I have the next five minutes. But then a turman's mind comes with three little boys and tells the human voice: "Children, and now we will look at the bed whores." And while Joe squeezed out, the mind leads children to the bedroom and says: "Watch the boys and remember, as it should be in detail to retell psychoanalyst." Husband does hardly at the floor, realizing that the next step of the mind the turman will be changing into an orange overalls.
Periodically, the narrative is returned to our time, and the compassional uncle tells the heroine about Edgar software, Beethoven, fishing, polyphony, golden section and Fibonacci numbers. An experienced viewer with hope looks at the video player's slider, showing that the second hour on the outcome, the victim remains only ten minutes.
"I don't feel anything," the heroine is smoking, and the black screen writes the "end of the first part" with large white letters. An experienced viewer freezes in horror.
Yes, says Joe to an experienced viewer, I have no orgasm, so let them not be. Go and see the second part of another two hours and three minutes, it is a Lars background, by the way, Trier, Village!
Part Two, - says black screen. Shoot me, - His experienced viewer whispers. The husband of an experienced spectator thirty-seconds intently looks at the screen, shrugs, unacceptably declares that there is work and worse than a porn look, and the cowardly runs up in this my member fistebook.
But the faithful gray in Apple Jerome does not lose hope of wake up the sensuality of his beloved. Even in restaurants, hope does not lose. Drong, says all these spoons. I'll give you five pounds. "Sick bastard," - does not withstand an experienced spectator, but heroine decides - why not, suddenly worked? It goes to the rack, takes another dozen spoons and shoves all at once. An experienced viewer begs to tell him the name of the restaurant, so that it is not going to go there for ice cream, but Lars von Trier is also a sick bastard, so the plea ignores.
Spoons do not help, everything is bad. And then Jerome says, listen, baby, you are my tigrick. And when you get a tiger, it needs to be fed. That would be someone to me with your feed, and then I have no jade rod, but one solid corn.
The heroine said okay, and went to fed on the side. How long was briefly, it was different. Afronhegra were, for example. Two pieces. At the same time, because the brothers, and the brothers would love to do everything together. But the orgasm did not appear, although members of the brothers (close-up on the whole screen) were quite nothing.
In the meantime, in search of orgasm a heroine found a special uncle, who took the turn of gloomy teres. Gloomy aunty came from uncle happy and ears in the blood. Because it was not a lover there, but a highly honored patient bastard of an international class. The bastard first did not want to take Joe, but she said - give me this day, give me this night, give me at least one chance, and the bastard said - OK, but never put on panties again. And bring the leather whip for horses, but not from the sex shop, you are not a masquerade.
"Mom," a sad child says to the experienced viewer, "I want to eat. What do you look?
An experienced viewer frantically slams a laptop cover.
And having sang every day. Meanwhile, her little son slept in a crib at home. One. I slept, slept, and then crawled to the balcony - to watch on a snowplower. Why in the winter night a balcony was open? The question is removed as idiotic. We have Arthaus, not the textbook of Logic Chelvan G.I.
And Jerome suddenly without an ad warlled: if, - he says his wife, - you will go to the Christmas night to another man, then I will no longer see my son. Said - and chest twisted the wheel. Right Suvorov.
Joe came up to the son's bed and sobbed.
"I understand," Jerome sighed, "Come on, Son, wake up, say mom:" Goodbye. " Son said "AGU", Joe shook a little and went to a sick bastard to receive forty twisters.
And the experienced viewer escaped to the bathroom and washed the cold water for a long time. This is a Lars von Trier, "an experienced spectator told the mirror, - Cinema for smart.
The mirror was covered with a network of cracks. The experienced viewer went back to the laptop cheerfully as on the scaffold.
A compassional uncle brings fresh tea, and Joe continues his entertaining history. Between the case, somehow it turns out that uncle managed to live to sixty years old, retaining innocence. He says that somehow it was not interesting. Polyphony is cooler, I'm already silent about Fibonacci. So go on, I will dispense.
Well, they began to work together, the real team to work is a soldering iron and melded in skillful hands. And it would be so happy to live if the next victim of the collector was not Jerome. And then Joe remembered that he still loves him. Therefore, I gave the soldering iron to the succession and says - let's herself.
The succession was delighted, went, and home did not return. Because it hurts the jerome's hands beautiful. And Joe spied in the window, like two of her favorite people, they enjoy different parts of the body into each other, and decided to kill them. But for some reason did not remove the gun from the fuse. Therefore, an unborn jerome was very angry and beat his ex-wife with his feet on his face. And with her orgasm, by the way, it was not. It seems. Then Jerome laid down the succession next to Jerome and made his corona three movements in front and five from behind. And the successor was blurted out, went to the beaten mentor and went to the toilet. Thank you for not much.
This is the story, "Joe said. And the candleless uncle paused, hesitated and suddenly issued an impressive five-minute feministic speech - they say, everything is in order with you. If a man behaved so much, he would not say any words. Well, two guys walk on the train going from point A to the point B, and women are looking for. Think. Well, threw a man's little child. Happenes. You suffer solely because you are a woman. So I score and do not suffer. And from the fuse, you specifically did not remove your pistol. I did not want to kill anyone, so I did not remove. In general, lie down, sleep and no longer sin. Here Joe was naturally bursting and said that he was grateful to the fate for the fact that his friend had appeared in his life. And fell asleep.
And after about five minutes, the best friend came without panties and let's get to Joe. She shoved a little bit "No, no, no," and then he took off the gun from the fuse. Blackout, shot and hurried steps down the stairs. An experienced viewer realizes that the candleless uncle and died with a virgin.
And so the good movie, cognitive - about polyphony, for example, tell. About the golden section. And about Fibonacci.
Deadly loves movies and superiors: Alexander Smilanskaya