Flashmob # YanebolessCazati, during which girls frankly talk about rape cases, made a lot of noise. And many commentators really wanted to ask a question "Guys, what's wrong with you?" Alexey Hedgehog tried to figure out that. Thank you, Alexey. We share as it is, without bill.
# Thank you freeze
July 5, 2016 in the Russian-speaking segment of Facebook (starting from Ukrainian) began a flash mob under Hashteg # YanebolessAncup. Girls (including my friends and friends) are divided by the experienced stories of violence from men. Rape, exhibitionism, frertort, physical violence ...
This is not written about this "seized feminists" there, not journalists inflate the hype - they write familiar, ordinary girls and women. Your colleagues, classmates, girlfriends. Lot.
They talk about it first with each other, and in the second - with us, men. The topic of flashmob is very painful for participants, and at the same time it turns out to be surprisingly frightening for men, for some reason, in the heads of some with radical feminism.
Girls, women, thanks for the courage. You make a big deal.
It hurts me to read the words of those who wrote about our experience, and even more painful to think about those who could not write them. I am ashamed for the reaction of many men. I am ashamed not only for the mentality of men, but also for the Russian mentality, for our inability to hear and compassion.
After reading the comments and anticipating kilotonna slices in the comments, I am writing this entry to simply give a link to it instead of fastening the same arguments. Perhaps for the same purpose someone came in handy. Therefore, it is likely that the record will be supplemented.
That men feel
So, a man sees a few personal stories in the ribbon about violence against women. Because it is the stories of his acquaintances or acquaintances, a man is experiencing one of the following emotions.The list of reactions is not complete, now I am not talking about a personal sympathy for victims of violence, but about a wary or negative attitude towards the raised systemic problem of the violence of men in general over women in general. That is exactly what I personally met in conversations with other men.
Fear or disgust because it is so close, but he does not want to look at the problem.
Fear or anger Because he feels a personally in his address.
Fear or anger Because he feels that he wants to deprive the privileges associated with force or influence.
Yes, the guys, despite a number of arguments (which are understood further), we are significantly more privileged by patriarchal culture than women.
Bro, please give urge disgust and read the record to the end.
I am not a professional, I am the same ordinary white cis-gender man, unconsciously enjoyable privileges, like you. Feminism is not my struggle, it would be a struggle of bees against honey.
How men react
The man is not realized enough to call his emotions, and it turns on to rationalize one of the following types. Specific examples of rationalization we will look further.
Care from the problem. The first sign that the man hooked, - when he leaves a comment that it does not concern him, instead of not doing anything.
Deprecifying personal experience . In my opinion, this is one of the worst ways of rationalization. Including because he is simply sewn into a Russian-speaking culture. We are able to compare only to people from us, and this is the main thing that you need to emerge in yourself.
Generalization. Excellent and smart attempt, guys. But it does not work, because it is an entrepreneur from a specific topic of discussion. As a result, the generalization causes depreciation of personal experience.
Inappropriate sequence. This is also a good, but less intelligent attempt similar to trolling. All arguments in such rationalization are reduced to "and women too ...". It does not work because patriarchal culture is sharpened for coercion and objectification of women by men, and not vice versa.
How men express the reaction and why it is bad
And now we run on the comments of men to the posts of Flashmob.
The victims themselves are to blame
This is pure care from the problem. This argument argues the title of the most terrible with the argument "Is this injury". In the Internet, it is often called translined from English Word "Victiming", "accusation of victims."
Guys, women have the right to do with their body all that they want. Apply tattoos, piercing, decorating, not epilacia, wear neckline, wearing short skirts or leggings, sleep with any number of men and women at your own, get drunk before inappropriate in the bar.
Nothing-listed does not give anyone the right to assume that such a woman is obliged to have sex with him.
"Why did she go dark dear," why she dressed like that "," Why she didn't call for help, "it is shifting from a sick head to healthy. Always the rapist / criminal. Even if he "did not understand what he did", even if "yes, everyone is doing", even if "she herself agreed."
Oh well, is it a trauma?
"Oh, well, you think, they planted you a little, not the sugar." Guys, this is the worst thing that you are in principle, - depreciate the person's personal experience. Not only women, anyone.
Yes, it is an injury. If a woman is experiencing some experience as a traumatic, not valuable, she has full right. How and you have the right to any understanding and residence of your experience.
All such are injured that the Society is developing in society.
This is a rather ordinary next argument. This is a generalization. Stop, with concrete women, who have been a lot of traumatic experience in childhood and youth, when they are not yet "washed the brains of feminists."
You just try to close your eyes and not pay attention to the problem.
Translation into politics
I, I'm not afraid of this word, Offionar from the translation of female flash bodies into a political plane. "I'm not afraid that I am Luganchanka," the state raped for 25 years. " People, what's wrong with you?!
Now they are not talking about the problems of civil rights and freedoms, but about the international issue of violence against women, regardless of their political views.
This is a generalization option. You just try to close your eyes and not pay attention to the problem.
They need to learn self defense
An excellent attempt to depreciate personal experience, but no. Any woman must have the right to security. It is necessary to fight first of all with crime, and not with the insufficient skills of victims in self-defense.
Another problem of this argument - from him one step to the "victim themselves is to blame", they did not learn to defend themselves in advance.
I'm not a rapist, why do they write it in my cozy tape?
Bro, you are trying to get away from the problem. You are a product of culture. You brought up parents and socios, which, in turn, brought up parents and socios who patriarchals. Who believe what the "real women" and "real men" should be. Those whiskers in the yard, over which you laugh, - You are with them one blood.
Women raise a question about a systemic problem, part of which you are, being part of the system of patriarchal oppression of women.
From day to day, giving a sexy jokes with friends, you support the status of a CVO. I am ashamed, but I am so recently.
In a pile of situations, we simply do not think that we do it hurt for injured women, which are around a lot around, even if we are talking about direct violence. You are not Astakhov - you do not joke about the drowns in the presence of a person who drowned near?
"Does I think about thinking of mythical injured women? First, you see in the flashmob, there are many in your environment, they are not mythical. Secondly, you most likely subconsciously depreciate their experience. And if not, then you are just a cruel man. Admit yourself in this and live with it.
And men, too, offend and rape / violence has no gender
This is one of the favorite inappropriate fantasies in men who are uncomfortable to think about the problem.
Bro, sexual violence is committed by a privileged group (men) over unprivileged (women). As I wrote above, this is a systemic problem. Think: Violence over men is also a consequence of the patriarchal system of oppression.
From childhood, you are taught to cohere, parents and society. You're used to this, you consider this position of things part of yourself. That is why the man should be strong, he should not cry, he should be able to defend himself and loved ones. You have now in the head a million arguments about etology and biology, hunting for mammoths, tooling children and protection of offspring. Yes, OK, perhaps the patriarchy is a consequence of our biological nature. But we left animals far away. Two thousand years ago, the Old Testament with the imperative "Oco OKO" was replaced with the golden rule of ethics. "Go with others as you want to come with you."
In general, violence against men is not a reason to generalize. You are talking about another problem, be good not to close your eyes.
These feminists reach the extreme, now every man allegedly criminal
Generalization. Many women who have written about their experience live ordinary life. You see the brightest and fascinated women who make part of their lives fighting the patriarchal QWO status. Without them, WHO cannot move. Without them, your familiar women will not open your eyes to your traumatic experience.
And yes, they have a complete right to do so, as the surviving Jews in Nazi camps had the right to the idea "Every German is Nazi."
Yes, it's all crap, according to statistics only the XXXX women per thousand people per year are raped.
Statistics are rational K-K-combo: care from the problem, generalization and depreciation of personal experience. You can recall the scores about the "death of one tragedy, millions - statistics."
But on the fact you just close from the problem. Thanks to the flashmob, if you are not closed, but just read the stories on Hesteg, you will see how many cases are not "rape" in a legal sense, but causes women pain. There are a lot of them in your surroundings, but the patriarchal way does not just make women be silent, he makes them think that this is something wrong with them.
Hear specific examples - they now mean much more official statistics.
The women have everything cool, they go on men, and they live for ten years longer
And this is exactly the same emotional K-K-combo: care from the problem, generalization and depreciation of personal experience. Not everyone is not cool. Not everyone goes on the peasants.
Once again, around you many women are injured and afraid to talk about their injury. Personally, you support this silent consent of society for violence, because you have fewer risks. You are trying to hide from this particular problem.
If you have a favorite woman, a wife, sisters, daughters, mother - hunt them at the meeting. Remember that you are trying to hide, including from their problem.
A source