New Year is an excellent reason to start a new life and new relationships. Or a little modify old. Because it is very often what worked five years ago, now becomes the cause of conflicts. Especially if we are talking about a grimy child.
Yes, yes, it's time to admit that the teenager, of course, although not the same responsible, as you personally, but still quite another thing than a child. He needs more freedom, more personal time and ... more demand, of course.This does not mean that we propose to immediately enter the houses anarchy, a universal wiretice, allow everything to prohibit prohibit and so on. But it is most likely to wander about the borders. So start!
Choose the moment
Thirtyful first will not be before that the first all woven the hangover or just sleep, but the second January is a good number. Code on this day a date with a child a-a-tete, that is, without outsiders. As soon as you sit apart opposite each other (for example, in chairs or over a table), the child will suspect nonladny and tense. Do not pull rubber, do not give my child yourself. Immediately declare: "This is diplomatic negotiations! It is time for us both to look truth in the face and recognize that you have grown (LA). About this and I want to talk. " With most likely, Choo intrigues and will still listen.
Give him a word
Offer the child to tell what the zone of responsibility and freedom for twelve-year-old (fourteen-sixteen-year-old) teenager looks like from his point of view. At this place, he is most likely to be remembered, because he suspects something, but then gives a long tirade. Cerades from Faispalma and objections. You have not yet been discussing, you still listen to the point of view of the party. From time to time, for clarity, repeat theses. No matter how stupid they seem to you, try to do it with a neutral tone. By the way, at the same time you find out a lot of interesting things and you will understand that the child did not do something in order to make you notify, and since he considered it with his right. For example, linger at guest until midnight.
Most likely, the child will pass on with the transfer of rights, so do not forget to ask for more detail about the duties / area of responsibility. Explain that the farther, the more they should be, we get buns for them. The world is so arranged. Let it speak more on the topic of responsibility. And will offer measures that apply to those who are involved in their duties.
Now take the word
But not in order to disseminate the "opponent" in the fluff and dust, but to make an item to discuss, to what extent its plan will be performed and at what age in the form in which it is proposed, can be fully accepted. Explain why some "rights" unambiguously cannot be accepted. For example, "right not to call", if you delay somewhere. Normally, even adults do not have such a right, they warn if the family of the employer, whether, to which they are late. "The right to money", of course, have all family members who participate in maintaining the life of the family (those who directly make this money, and those who are preparing-erases-be cleaned to ensure the rear earning), but the size of the issued money depends not only from needs, but, alas, and on the features of the budget. Roughly speaking, if you do not pay for a communal, the family will be on the street, so no matter how much family members want to buy it and that, first, they need blood out of the nose to pay utility payments. This article costs can not be sacrificed in any benefit.
Here is a very difficult place, because you probably want to be justified, point over the point, to bring everything to the old to the old-sighted contract and still give the child of freedom no more than in the first class. But this is a dishonest game. You both need to make a couple of steps towards meeting, otherwise everything is in vain. And no, the very fact of negotiations is not a step. Give him more time. Give him more territory (in the house or outside the house). Give him more freedom. Otherwise, alas, you will invent it. It's like a plant, which once becomes not enough for his pot and it must be transplanted in a tub, but it will turn.
Above every item can turn the discussion. In it we are not assistants. We can only suggest what to do. Do not try to put pressure on naked authority. Do not try to blackmail. Do not understand and not insult; If it mysteriously and insults the child, interrupt negotiations, explaining that such important conversations in such a children's tone are not conducted, and will continue when the Chado will find the strength to speak according to its own age.
Excellent. Now you or agreed, or not. If your relationship with the child in such a peak is that negotiations have not led to anything, you need not journalists with advice with him, but a normal children's psychologist. If the consensus is found, shake hands and rejoice. Many families failed.
Good luck!