Once in your life, the moment comes when you get the surrounding environment with paper with the inscription: "A family of two, neat and decent, rent an apartment in the area." Then you sit on the phone and find accommodation ...
Well, if not your dream, then okay, tolerant and metro not far away. Housing problems can be much, and maybe not to be at all. In addition to one: this apartment has a master. And when you take the keys from his hands, it seems to you that you just took the keys from his hands. And he sees it as follows: you sign the ancient scroll in the full moon, passing your soul keys. And right is right, and not you. Since the owners of the apartments are perfectly disguised under the people, you will not notice any horns nor hoofs or other phenotypic signs of ancient evil, but desperate researchers, according to indirect signs, managed, however, make the typology of landlords.
Baba Yaga
This is an optional woman, but necessarily Yaga. Walks, popsies tooth and suspects. It seems, you and a normal person, but it looks like a prostitute. Yes, a thirty-year-old bearded sysadmin, at first glance, looks innocently, but who you, prostitutes know. And maybe you are a drug addict? I saw the syringes. So what kind of doctor? Does the doctor - can not be a drug addict? On TV showed one such. It seems, the doctor, and evil, chrome and Vicodin eats like caramel. Or maybe you are generally a Jew (Russian, Ukrainian, Kazakh, Tatar)! And I, Jews (Russian, Ukrainians, Kazakhs, Tatars), see - you only strive, do not pay the unfortunate old woman, the Stalin does not.
WATER
He is bored, no one is with him. And the tenant is beautiful in that he has nowhere to escape. Water often rent apartments, but rooms. To fervent winter evenings for a unhappy dialogue with a locked in the apartment of an unfortunate victim, sidura bought at the low price of the lease. And now, for the entire validity period of the Treaty of Water, is provided with a psychoanalyst who also payslap for listening to how water offended at school.
Darth Vader.
Sets the most severe order and requires to go to the dark side of power. Cabinets do not move, children do not give birth, toilet wash the mixture, which can be requested exclusively in the secret laboratories of the Pentagon, and no guests. As a rule, requires a huge deposit and amounts to a document on hundreds of pages, where sanctions are prescribed for each speck on the servant. The sanction, however, for all the pregnursions one - execution.
Koschey
Prefers to hand over exceptionally beautiful princesses. Then comes to visit to help. Bringing the shelf and moves the chair. Begins to patronically actively. Begins to patronize aggressively. And then you become before choosing: give or not to give. Koschey, as a rule, the opposite, silent to the inability, and I don't want to give him at all. Thank God, in the modern world of the needle Koshcheeva lies, bypassing oak, hare and casket, immediately in the egg, which is called: "Hello, I am on the announcement, I need a new apartment urgently."
Hektonheyr
Grozny with sight and completely ridiculous in essence of his being. When one of the fifty heads makes a decision, the rest of the forty nine begin to doubt the rest of this decision. And take a new solution. Which immediately causes new disputes. And so - infinitely. With such a master it is impossible to negotiate anything. All rules change at a hundred times to the day - for the fact that yesterday was in the order of things, today they are evicted on the night of the frost with things immediately. But you can get into the right head and get a discount for the next month. It will work, maximum, once, but at least something.
Loki.
The first days you think you are lucky. Cheerful, cool, young, jokes funny tells. And then he invites you to hang out somewhere, and you go, because it is a very small sacrifice on the altar of a good relationship with the owner of the apartment. Well, yes, loud, many drunk, but once - not scary ... one? Yes right now. After a week, parties will be held with you, especially in those days when it catastrophically crashes your plans. And a month later there is a feeling that the owner has not moved anywhere - too often he stays at night. And you, on the one hand, pay for living here alone, on the other - somehow it does not rise the hand to drive out the owner from your own apartment, even if he crawls along the corridor at four in the morning, leaving the wet trail.
Surround knight
It is calculated instantly on the ancient Soviet furniture, brought not just from the cottage, but from the garbage of the garden cooperative. The table in the kitchen is on four legs, one of which is a box, under the second - a book for stability, and the third and fourth look as if they were frying the kebabs of Villarybo and Villabajio village alternately. If you invite a good soul girl in such an apartment, then for the second time it will bring cigarettes, condoms and borsch and pay for a taxi on their own. This is convenient, of course, but for a while - this owner will vomit exactly a month for a five-minute delay in payment.
Mommy vampire
She is embarrassing in the role of Earlier, so she adopts you. What, in general, at first it is not bad. There will be no price to raise the price, due to the stain on the river rush, it will not call, the preservation is clarified. Patties. And then you are slender. But at some point she will feel that you do not like to love milk enough, and starts to suffer. And find fault. And, most importantly, control, skillfully pretending to have entered the case: "Everything is in order, kids, you fuck, I'm on a second, only the hoovers will take." Yes, you have the right to personal space. Yes, you pay her for an apartment, and nothing more needs, you have an exceptionally business relationship. No problems. But why are you again without a hat?
HUMAN
This is a landlord who wishes you a pleasant stay and disappears, materializing only when you read with him. With a person, you can agree on the repair of rent and ask for a delay for a couple of weeks per minute of crisis. He does not climb into you in the soul and does not come at six in the morning without warning to check if you were secretly in the living room aquarium with hippos. Unfortunately, in contrast to the previous ones, the person is a mythical being.
