It is much easier to fix the whiskey washing machine than to help a friend in trouble. Most of us with a crash fails this exam. Therefore, we are so often writing about how to help, if a person with your loved one or it. But if you lie to save someone, remember and about how to help accurately should not.
Ayak
That is, answering someone's complaints something like "This is still garbage! Just listen, and I ... "and then share your invaluable experience. Did you break the leg? Fine, I somehow broke both at once, and nothing, after a month ran. Man changed? But I, too, somehow changed, and with my own sister, on my own wedding - and nothing, somehow everything looked out.
In fact, the majority makes it not for evil intent, exactly the opposite. We want to show that there are troubles and the faster, that we are with a sideline in the same boat and understand it perfectly. But in fact, Ayakanny is deciphered by a person completely different. He hears "Your problems are clearly flexible in comparison with my experience and do not cost at all. Let's talk about me better. "
Banal advice
When someone is roaring Blugging on our shoulder, I really want to say something wise and meaningful. As it came out, nothing comes to mind, and we say some meaningless nonsense, which they read on motivators or heard in the movies. "Everyone will be there," "not in the money happiness" and "if you love - let go." That thanks for the advice! Before you give such a common place, ask yourself - and I generally understand what I'm talking about? Of course, when we say out loud such vulgarity, we feel good to find the right words. But everyone understands that such things say when they do not know what to say. And no one is helpful.
Require a quick problem
When a friend in trouble and in sadness, and requires help, we want everything to be like in the movie: Here the hero will be sad, here's a wise friend Hero gives him a valuable advice, playing lyrical music, the hero is aware of everything, the problem is solved, the epilogue in the pub, all laugh, titers. One and a half hours to everything about everything. But the fact is that real sorrows are not resolved in 90 minutes (and even in 130, if we are talking about the director's version).
Because the roots of problems are deeper and wider than you would like to think, and no sadness can heal one wise advice. Girlfriend will not forget his former after one sincere talk with you. The buddy will not throw a drink, talking to the rehab. Swing with hateful work, your korea will not immediately find the work of the dream.
For many issues, many issues may take years. But we refuse to believe in it and even indignant carefully why we are shipped again among the same conversations - we already talked about this and did you say that the former can roll to hell? So what are you doing again on my shoulder? This is a great tactic if you want to drive a friend to depression and convince him that he cannot cope with elementary difficulties. But you do not want this, no?
Impose help
Sometimes help is exclusively in providing their ears. People need to be spoken, but it does not mean that now you are obliged to help them elsewhere - even contrary to their desire. And if a person refuses help, then most likely, not because he is stupid and does not understand his benefit.
Perhaps the help you suggest is simply not needed. Or his pride will not lead it. Or he does not want to feel even more helpless - namely it will happen if you start hard to acquaint a lonely girlfriend with all kinds of illiquid and go to visit the unemployed with full food bags. So keep yourself, even if you really want to enter someone else's life on a white horse and paint there, enjoying the role of the charity.
