So I want to sometimes write two words in the comments that will explain everything: "offset conflict". The problem is that while they do not explain them themselves, they will remain abrakadabra. In general, we decided to correct this situation and write an article on which you can refer to not to spend a thousand marks every time on a comment.
What is a displaced conflict? It is "two fights, the third rejoices." The conflict is simple obvious that it is people who divide: Masha wants a doll, and Dasha wants the same doll, because the doll 1. New, 2. Beautiful and 3. One. In the displaced conflict, people are fighting for surprisingly non-obvious things.
What does the displaced conflict look like?
History from life: In the new house, the car parking pockets were made near the first, second, third, sixth and seventh (last) entrances. In the first months, until all residents have finished repairs and settled, the inhabitants of the fourth and fifth entrances were parked where there was a place. But one day the place is over.
- I live in this entrance and will park here!
- But I am flying at this place for a year, I installed the chain!
- Yes, you are not at all of our entrance, what do you get here?
- I am the same leaf of this house, like you!
Part of the exiles began to stand on lawns (which significantly increased the number of conflict participants at the expense of perturbed flamesmiths). Part fonded (up to the open-blooded lobovikov) with competitors in place. No one came into the head to write a collective claim in HOA.
A teenager, who complaining a grandmother that his mother was tortured by lessons, and he had a headache, and his mother is only affairs to a new husband (and let them fight, and I have ticker!);
The customer who issues the team of the performers of 40% of the promised with the words "Well, share somehow proportionate to the contribution";
The ministry announced that only cars of Moscow people with disabilities are allowed on Moscow disabled parkings, and the rest - to the tow truck;
The director of the kindergarten, who claims to parents that "the assistant of the teacher in the group is not and will not be, on such money, you will duty in turn":
In most cases, beneficiaries are possible only when the victims in the conflict agree to conflict among themselves, and not together with the beneficiary. That is why the beneficiary masks his participation (see Duramar: "And I don't see here!"), And that is why he seeks to ensure that the feelings of conflicting to each other are as sharp as possible. Here everything goes to move - lie, slander, distortion and intimidation; Crucified boys and hired bots-culminates of the naughty "as if on behalf of the enemy."
So if your attempts to pull the conflict on the brakes once at once go to the rush, if your opponent looks sincerely indignant, and foreign observers regularly express on the topic "As for me, you both are good" - there is reason to look back and search who could get Profit from Neimiry.
For example, the crows are whipped two cats with a view to lunch then tiredly defeated. Please note - more gets like a white cat, but the black grips a pair of plots per tail. White cat is very bad, but the black will remain tired and marked (and in the angle, perhaps, there is a bulldog). And all for the former pleasure.
By the way, at the beginning of the record it is clear that the white cat is very clearly not wanting to oppose and does not claim anything, but black - everything sees and pretends that there is no white cat here. The classic case of the "thin world" when an open conflict is not needed to anyone, and both sides, putting quite a few strength, refrain from the scandal. And everything would be fine, if not crows.
The mathematics of the displaced conflict looks like this: a beneficiary spends 1 unit of effort to set fire to the situation. Parties 1 and 2 are embedded every 100 units, and the winner will receive 30 units of compensation, and the defeated - nothing. But the beneficiary will get 10 units. Profit 1:10 !!! Ho-ho! And almost without any risk!
Actually, that is why the only way to deal with the displaced conflict is to discuss everything with the second party, to realize that they throw you and who exactly does it. And together to adopt on the beneficiary. Having lost the trump card of imperceptibility and security, the burners usually merge. Why burst these, once s-strongly smart? Other fools will find.
The most difficult moment here is to begin to talk like this horrible second side. " And if you behaved at the beginning of the conflict, not quite a gentlemen, it may not be impossible at all, because the second party has evidence of your corrugation and maliciousness. How many times how people became "no longer brothers" to the joy of sellers of a weapon - do not recount. As they say in a very sad joke: "According to the Constitution of the United States of America, the property of spouses should be divided into divided between their lawyers." And this, alas, not at all funny joke: There are studies that prove that divorces taking place with the participation of intermediary lawyers are approximately three times less often with reconciliation of spouses. And could live, yes.
Now there is a whole class of psychologists and special lawyers who conduct personal negotiations conflicting so that you do not cross even stronger. This is mediation, conservation, facilitation, on your choice - if you can not care without a new quarrel yourself, call a specialist. Do not feed the crayon.
Text author: Asya Mikheev