When your neighbor asks you to help him transport the piano and three terriers to a new apartment, or to touch the body in the nearest forest plant, or read his new story in the genre of erotic fantasy-thriller, you really want to say "no", but the mouth somehow articulates "Yes".
Because telling you "no" - and then all the night you will paint and suffer from a sense of guilt. It's time to change the situation in the root - we tell how to learn to refuse, still feeling a great one.
Do not wait for retaliation
Those rare cases when you said "no", and the interlocutor was angry and flew from the coils, stuck in memory and shine there anxious neon signs. But the keyword here was not "angry", but "rare." People daily skate each other every day - and often hear failure.
In the absolute majority of cases, you are not the only one and not the last hope, and if you say "no", the suites will use the plan B. If you say "no", with a probability of 99.99%, friends do not turn away from you, the husband will not give a divorce , the sea will not turn into blood and nothing will happen at all. You do not believe - pay attention to "no", which others say.
Ask delay
If you are asked about something, it is not necessary to answer immediately. Without refusing immediately, ask the time to think about everything - and the larger the request, the more there may be a delay. "I can't talk, I will call you back in five minutes," "Give me half an hour - I will go with my schedule," "I will advise with my husband and answer you tomorrow" - Magic wands-corrosive. For half an hour you can come up with a convincing reason for the refusal or, weighing everything, agree to fulfill the request. Or maybe you will even be lucky and the interlocutor will solve his problem.
Include principles
Damn comfortable thing. "I will not give you a debt," I'm not at all the same as "I generally do not give anything to anyone, I have such a principle." Maybe the petitioner such principles in the coffin seized, but at least it is immediately clear that nothing personal and offended to be offended.
Be parrot
There are particularly stubborn petitioners who do not accept "no" as an answer and think that they can smooth you - you just need to press out slightly and you will break. Let putting how much they want: there is a technique against such, simple as a shovel. Simply repeat your polite refusal, as if you don't know the parrot cockatoo and other words. It is not even not necessary to listen to that there is a man says - just after each of his phrases Taldych his own: "No, I can't. Alas, I can not. I'm sorry, but no way "- and all this with a very sympathetic face. Usually three or four repetitions are enough for a person to tears with your neck and went to look for another solution to his problems.
Translate arrows
What would not be asked for, let's understand what I say "yes", you will come to the tail of someone's interests. You would have helped, but then you will have to leave the child one, and he also sees mom on the weekend. You would be happy, but the guys at work without you will not cope. You would be glad, but the world will save? The same.
Contribute to counterpart
Even if you, in general, you can say "yes," it does not mean that you should agree on everything. And if someone asks you half a million, you have the right to offer ten thousand. Doesn't want? Well, he refused. If you offer help in a smaller volume or someone who could cope with the case instead of you, you deftly boil the fountain of reproaches and irritation.
