Parents of Russia frightened. There were few reports on the tricks of pedophiles in social networks - now they will recruit children in suicides! Some rushes to argue who is to blame, others - what to do.
A similar hysteria of 2007, when the whole country discussed adolescent suicides and pinned the blame for the subculture of Emo and ready, showed that in the desire to protect children, parents reach full breaking of relations with them. Panic is a bad adviser.But really you just need to sit and look, waiting for the fate, which, perhaps, will be a non-phostle to your family?
Why do they think about death?
All children - and all adults - in some moments of life think about death, because a person, unlike guinea pig, has to live with accurate knowledge that his earthly path is finite. Probably a more relevant question - why are they thinking about their death?
A thousand reasons. Tragic - for example, rape by classmates or a relative, in which there is no strength to confess - it seems that you will be punished, or pregnancy. Psychophysiological - neurosis and depression. Those that seem to us, especially postfactum, fetched: hopeless or "wrong" love, fear of parental punishment for bad marks, troubles with classmates (so most often adults are preferred to be called betraying).
Almost every parent, having heard about the reasons, claims that he would have noticed. But it is not. In reality, we cease to notice our children from the moment when they are able to move more or less safely to move around the apartment or to school. Psychologists in one voice claim: we do not speak with our children. We give them a command of a command nature or, remembering that you need to enter them in trust, we are trying to undergo without soap, starting "sincere" conversations, more similar to interrogation.
And this does not mean that we are bad parents. But for our children it is dangerous.
Why do they think of their death when everything is in order?
Many times repeated in the media, which does not have suicide "Without this", there is no "nothing foreshadowed." It happens - they did not notice, did not pay attention. And still they kill themselves not only adolescents who have experienced rape, long-term humiliation, unhappy love, did not cope with the exam or discovered that they were pregnant.
Psychologists claim: so that the teenager does not play with death (and for many, at such age, interest in the topic of death is largely gaming), he really needs three anchors. People's peers who are accepted and whom he himself is ready for something to respect (even if it is a couple of cooking nerds, not a class or football team). Good contact with parents - trust and close relationships. Only real, and not the games of adults trying to be good mothers and dips, like in the movies. And the ability to make acts that the world change, fit it there, as a full-fledged active person - whether it is a selected part-time job with the ability to spend money at your own discretion or, on the contrary, something destructive, it seems to have fallen grass and the destruction of benches in the yard.
Amazing (for adults) is sometimes suicide perceived as the only possible attempt to make an act, at least somehow affecting peace and relationship with others (will cry and remember what good was) - and as the only opportunity to control your destiny. So suffered serfs - to show Barina that they do not belong to him completely, as he would like to think. Loud comparison? Not for a teen under a hyperopica.
What is impossible to prevent suicide
Religion. If the teenager himself is not in the spiritual search and is not ready to look for it in the holy books, it will take the delay in religious life as pressure, will be closed and ... you know that in the word "depression" the root is just translated as "pressure"?
Conversations for souls. It is impossible to arrange such a conversation not spontaneously, especially if it was not previously not found between you. What will be attempted to enter trust, the teenager will determine how to confidently rub. Do you feel the difference?
Ban on social network. One of the three anchors - peers, we remember. Now the main communication takes place via the Internet. That's how before we, evil relatives, were hanging on phones, solving her homework together. Just another device for communication is used. Yes, not all peers, with which the teenager pulls to communicate is equally good and sometimes they are discussing suicide. But their presence is important, and the point. Addition of the opportunity to go online and communicate there can bring a modern child to serious despair. That is serious. But discussions in almost 100% of cases fully satisfy the teenager by their fact.
Ban on frightening pictures. Whales, butterflies, skulls, graves ... If your teenage age, the next hysteria of the parents on the topic of suicide, you feel great, how such behavior looked like. As if adults declared war war.
Ban on gloomy songs and movies. For the same reason. Moreover, the knowledge of death through art is very important for becoming a healthy human psyche. It was always. Even when it seemed that there was no - remember the necroomanticism of songs about the worn partisans and films about the heroes of the war. For many teenagers, they sincerely liked and worried.
Circles and learning. Superframe from Brezhnev times is considered the best tool against the teenagers "Durili." In fact, it gives constant fatigue, neurosis, depression and does not leave time for the knowledge of themselves, peace and public relations. The child has no time to find out what he likes to do and who would like to become. There is no time to understand the difficulties of communication, they are simplified to the kindergarten. And there is no time to rest, and rest is important.
What gives a chance to prevent suicide
Friends in interest. They can be found in social networks ... or in a campaign, or on role-playing / city quest, or at the music concert in the open air. Not just peers with whom they forced to communicate adults - and those who share still katu values and began to take up new interests.
Conversations. No implantation and intimacy without any need. Make a pair of phrases about the film, which looked together or apart. Find that the baby's hobby causes your curiosity, and satisfy him - well, for example, why the dolls that daughter collects or does, no nose. Tell interesting and no instructive story from life, which somehow echoes the events relevant to the child ... True, only if you are sure that you are not called "boring" for your eyes. Then even with anecdotes are more inactive. The main thing is to find time for a small conversation not about things and estimates every day.
Joint rituals. Something that you do together every week. Watch the movie on Saturdays. Breakfast at one table every morning. Walk on skis or scooter on Sundays. The reference points, between which the teenager is free to build free time, as he pleases. ATTENTION, the latter - necessarily, otherwise the rituals will become no more than the next pressure tool.
Health support. Avoiding hypovitaminosis, overwork, lack of sleep, lack of oxygen and movement. True, in the struggle for health it is difficult not to ride in the hypereground ... but it is worth trying.
Dosage risk. No wonder the transition from children into adults in adolescents of all cultures of the world traditionally passed through the sometimes cruel tests challenging the body and spirit. The soul requires nothing to do anything. Try to push a teenager for such a risk. The main thing is that the occupation you suggest has no routine or illegal. Many make up hikes with overcoming obstacles. Urban quests can also give the desired call dose.
Work. If the teenager himself want to try making money for himself and only for himself. Now it is not very easy to find it for a minor, but trying to try. You can also ask to help in your work, if she is a teenager on the shoulder and at the same time gives some challenge to intelligence.
Transfer of responsibility. Not complete. Let, for example, a teenager from now on himself chooses that the whole family eats on Saturday for dinner - with certain restrictions on the budget, of course.
Access to "shame" information. No teenager is ready to speak with a mom about protecting, the safety of sexual techniques or physiology of genitals. But almost anyone can be sent to the reference to a good informative article, even if not recognized.
Movies about problems. About pedophiles, outsides, having other children psychopaths, teenage pregnancy, oppressing by adults, terrible diseases, destructive sects. It sounds terrible, but there is a huge number of paintings that reveal the problems highly worry, interesting and delicately. We have repeatedly made similar selections.
Love. Almost all parents love their children. Even those whose children went to suicide. The fact is that another person can not look into your mind, even if it is your daughter or son. If you do not assure out loud that with any serious problem you will support, but do not give you what your child is important and his well-being, that you will accept it even very strange, even looking at you in something - the child will have to think about your attitude towards it From the fact that out loud still sounded. And if it is only tramples and threats ...
How to understand that your child can commit suicide?
The Internet is now crowded with the most faithful information: cuts on hands, whale drawings, night seats in the Internet ... In fact, most adolescents with these signs do not commit suicide. And most adolescent suicide do not demonstrate such signs.
It is much more important to identify the situation that can lead to suicide. Fortunately, and this information is fully on the Internet.
- Ensure that your child does not suffer from harass or blackmail peers.
- Ensure that your child does not behave as if he was raped or exposed to sexual violence now.
- Ensure that your child does not suffer from sadist teacher.
- Ensure that your child is not in a state of clinical depression or on the verge of a nervous breakdown from overwork and excitement.
- Ensure that your child does not suffer from emotional violence, suppression, hyperteks from family members, including you.
- Ensure that your child has any constant interests, except for gloomy music - for example, viewing anime or roller skating.
- Ensure that the child does not consist in a destructive sect.
If the child is in one of the dangerous situations, acceptance of measures. They should be taken, even if you were not afraid of suicide.