Recently, there was an article on the network, which followed that the most difficult cases, the most hopeless unfortunate women are those who have no problems with Mom Vaaabsh. Not that we have agrees. But, alas, the problems with my mother in our peers happen more often than caries. And there are no less painful.
There are traditional misunderstanding problems between generations, and the traditional problems associated with the fact that most women do not want to consider themselves so elderly in order to have adults who do not need care on daughters. But here we are still constantly faced (extra!) And with the fact that our moms grew and lived somewhat in another world, than we live, and play more about the rules. Including with us.
And so, you barely getting on the buttons with shaking hands, the girlfriend calls, which has just set aside the footboard, from whom you want to wait for understanding and help. And what can you do?
Listen and respond
Actually, if she is calling you to tell all this, then you are already a big one. The daughters who do not have someone to knock on the Facebook and ask "Listen, Mom said that I had a terrible old woman on my photo. Tell me, True neck is terrible or this mom is just so my beads do not like? " - So go in bewilderment, whether the world went crazy, or they themselves went crazy. But in order not to answer such a question - so that you just asked such a question, it is necessary for a long time, very long, always in a relationship with this girlfriend on a straightforward question to answer the truth. No matter what.
Discuss protection plans
"What to do when in your back prepared in your back add ingredients?" "What to do when the child is five years say that his dad is a schmuck and loser?" "What to do when your guy with whom you have a heavy crisis are asked, giggling, when's finally a wedding?" "What to do when you have taken out of the closet of your clothes and hanged there any other, such as instead?"
What to do what to do. People who grew up in a completely different world among completely else norms, no idea about such funny things as "personal boundaries." They themselves wore that they managed to buy, and even that they managed to alter from the mother. And they also did not often have a separate cabinet. And there was no such thing as personal relationships. Relationships always concerned the whole family - grandmother, because she with a baby to sit, brothers and sisters - because they will have to be, if they, everyone - because they will have to regularly communicate and jointly deal with the family of this incomprehensible that the daughter led To the house ... Of course, it concerned them! And everyone together was tested new. Where the risk is there interest where to go.
So it makes no sense to be surprised and terrible, "how so you can". It is necessary to think about and make a plan for protecting something important, and pass something unimportant. Yes, yes, something must be given in, because for a person who does not feel personal borders, terribly insulting when he is exhibited from somewhere under the white hand. "How is this not my business? What is someone else's ??? So much better not to drive out, but redirect. "In the bathroom there is nothing interesting, we will pass in the living room, there are albums and treats."
And it is you can come up with, or listen and discuss, or even somewhere to rest over such an option. To protect your personal secure, and my mother is not offended. This is hard work, strategic planning. Two heads are better than one. But we emphasize - the help should be small: or troublesome, but very short, with pre-agreed borders, or long but absolutely unfall. Type, if she lives with mom, and on your address of her parcel twice a year bring - and it runs it myself takes away.
Cry
You have the same. "For example. And here, for example. And it was also. No, seriously, she said, I'm not kidding! " We all think - like so, all moms are like moms, one of my forever something and wipe. Not. This is not your girlfriend a bad daughter. This is not her mother's silence hell. And just normal intermotocal differences. So it happened. It is not your fault. And by the way, do you know that my daughter died here?
Adjust the specialist
And well, if it is a psychotherapist. Well, speak. Because it may be a lawyer. Or, do not let the lord of us, a sedenie psychiatrist. But the main thing is that you can say a friend - that it cannot and is not obliged to decide everything that it fell apart, alone. And even if her friends can help her - still professionals exist.
