We found from the Family Psychologist Pavel Zygmantovich an article that will save you a lot of money, time and nerves, if you have ever thought about questions: "Is I so feminine? Is it time to develop a true woman in himself?! "
The reader came: "I wanted to ask any information (book, site, article) about the development of a real woman."Oh, what a familiar question. Constantly ask to tell how to become a real woman or a real man. They would know asking what is impossible ...
This is what I wrote in response: "I will be happy to recommend - run from all books, sites and articles that tell you how to develop a real woman."
And there is serious reasons for such an answer.
Gegemon, Gegemon
Australian sociologist Revin Connell introduced somehow an interesting concept - hegemonic masculinity (eng. Hegemonic Masculinity). This is such a generalized and adopted by the majority of what a real man should be (psychologists, by the way, the term "gender role" is more often used, but these are dependent and details).
The term "Hegemonic Femnost" I did not meet in Russian-language literature, but in English-speaking such a term still comes across, albeit rarely.
Speaking in a simple, hegemonic masculinity is a "real man." More precisely - who corresponds to this picture, who fits into Hegemon Masqueness, that "real man."
And who fits into the "generalized and adopted by a majority" on what the right woman should be, those, of course, "real women".
And it turns out that "developing a real woman" is very easy. We must do only two steps:
- Understand how "hegemonicism" looks like (or masculinity - for those who want to become a real man).
- Fully fit into this presentation.
Voila, the thing is in the hat, everyone is satisfied, everyone is happy, "Women shouted to Hurray and thicker threw in the air."
And everything would be fine, but there is a problem ...
You can not push in one cart ...
The main feature of these hegemones is that they are fundamentally contradictory. I emphasize - fundamentally.
For example, in hemonic masculinity, it is necessary to be healthy, as a bull, but only weakliks go to doctors. Or here - men should have real friends, but a man should not be frank. It is clear that these are mutually exclusive requirements.
The female half of humanity has the same ambush - for example, there is a housewife syndrome (Housewife Syndrome). A woman seems to be sitting at home and does not work, which means resting, but in fact - it works a lot and does not get recognition and gratitude for it ("After all, it sits at home!") Contradiction.
I ask you to pay the closest attention - hegemonic masculinity / feminost are internally contradictory templates.
Why is that? Because it is all gender roles (I use a psychological term, though he is closer to me), that is, social norms, "containing orders and prohibitions as to what you need to feel and do."
Like any prescriptions and prohibitions, these are also generalized and rigid - while real life is specific and very plastic.
This means that the person cannot fully correspond to gender roles. Can a man completely correspond to hemonical masculinity. Can a woman fully correspond to hemonical feminost.
Simply put, a man cannot become a completely "real man." All the same, there is something that will make it not quite real. Also - and a woman.
This is called gender conflict (GENDER-ROLE Conflict) - a psychologically integrative state appearing in situations where gender roles have a negative impact on a person and his environment.
Because of this conflict, people start looking for "any information (book, site, an article) about the development of a real woman." To somehow settle the conflict and remove the feeling of internal discomfort.
Of course, it is utopia. The only way to remove this conflict is not to follow hegemon masculs and other gender roles.
You are already real / real
You are already quite a man and a woman quite yourself. For example, on your male seminars (that is, group events for men), I do not tell what a real man should be. I say - "Each of you is quite a man and this is valuable; We can all (and it should be done!) To develop some skills and quality, but we do to improve the quality of life, and not to get into any templates. "
If I had female seminars, I would say the same thing.
I will say it and here - dear ladies, you are already quite a woman. High, low, full, thin, skirts and jeans, hairpins and in sneakers, on the podium and in the trolleybus cabin, in the apron and in the evening dress, behind the stove and in the directory of the chair - you are everywhere women and you do not need to "develop true woman. " You are already real.
You can (and useful!) Develop different skills and qualities, but you have no need to develop a real woman in yourself. You are already true.
And I have everything, thanks for your attention.