Our columnist, Ella Derzay, reflects on the fashionable parent tetree - to look for the reasons for his troubles in the shortcomings of their parents and wait with fear: what neurosis or, in the old speaking, complexes, we will face your own children?
I often think about the fact that the main, but completely impulse the task of modern parents - to grow your children not neurotes.
Why not mindful? Yes, you will see around! I don't even mean that we all completely neurotic, and healthy people need to be sought using special devices. And about how many adult people in the world who blame parents in everything. Someone in pseudopsychological terminology, and someone simple words.
- I had a cold selfiematic mother, because I do not know how to distinguish this feeling from manipulation and very worried.
"And my parents adored me, and now this is an unattainable ideal, and therefore it is very difficult for me to converge with people, they seem not sophisticated.
- I lived in a dysfunctional family, I do not believe that it happens otherwise, and therefore now a single wolf.
- And I lived in a beautiful family, and then married the absormer. I just did not know what happens. But got out. And therefore I am now a lonely wolf.
- My mother sewed us with the sister of the dress, and I always wanted Chinese from the store.
- And I went only in Chinese junk as incubator.
- My father drank, because I am an alcoholic.
- In my family, alcohol was out of law, because I was not prepared for his destructive influence on a person. And therefore I am an alcoholic.
- Mom said that I am beautiful, but I grew up and understood: she was blown. In fact, I'm a freak. How to live with this lie of the closest person?
- Mom said that I was a worthless freak, and now I know that it is not. But the complexes remained!
- And my parents lied about everything! Even about Santa Claus. And I became naive, people easily deceive me.
- My always taught to tell the truth, and therefore it is also easy to deceive me, and many people consider me to Ham.
Even in our sexual problems, only parents are guilty! These are their cunning and wrong behavior made one of us by passionate fans of oral sex, and other fans of pornography. And third - and at allsexuals. Scounds!
No, I do not want to say that in all this there is no rational grain. It is often very important. Some of us were sacchadia hell in the role of parents. But the rest of everything happened in general, well, however, reading books and blogs on popular psychology, they found what the cause of their suffering. Anyone, from an acne on a nose to a divorce or dismissal from work.
And in such a picture of the world, the secret knowledge becomes obvious: parents in any case will destinate their children.
No matter what kind of education system we adhere to. We will spoil everything. And at best, give them some small inexpressive neurosis. A slight high self-esteem or fear is bad to raise now their own children.
Sad and the fact that in the eyes of our grown children, we are mostly bad people. Because they have disliked. Nedodynted. Unoccupied. They reproached, demanded too much. Or, on the contrary: flooded, gave too much, stubble, spoiled.
Is it possible to find the balance? Yes, some it succeeds. More often - by chance than consciously. Because there are no working recipes. What perfectly happened to one, so brilliantly fall from the other, even if it will do exactly the same.
And what is the way out? What do you need to do if the correct templates do not exist? I have only one option: stop worrying. Stop growing one more neurosis, we have a lot of them thanks to their parents. Relax. Try not to think about how we will spit life to children, but just try to live her first years with them, making it possible to be pleasant to all participants in the process. Throwing away the concept of guilt and accusations - and himself, and addressed to their parents. Once we all equal to okosyachim, at least, do it with joy. We will not be afraid to dislike or terminate, inspire an exclusive installation, insisted on your own question and even try to buy an excessive pair of sneakers or fellow on a new iphone.
And let's believe that everything will be fine.