Many parents believe that they have the full right to their children, together with their own lives. And sometimes the struggle for the preservation of sovereignty is stretched for life. How to understand that parents are not just worried about you, but your borders violate - and why is it not the little things, but a rather dangerous position?
They come without invitation
When you were 14, the parents could easily enter your room without a knock, because "Oh, what kind of secrets can be." Or "Actually, this is our apartment." Now you have your own apartment, but nothing has changed - parents demanded to provide them with the key ("just in case") and easily come to you to pour flowers, bring dacha spins and just check how you live. They do not expect invitations and do not even always warn about their arrival - they are parents! Well, yes, and you are a child, deprived of the right to privacy.
Why it is dangerous: As long as you do not have your own place under the sun, you do not have the opportunity to build your own life and vibrate your personal nest with someone else. Giving access to its territory, you deprive yourself of the right to be the main thing in your own home. Everything will become even worse when you eaten with someone - there will always be someone among you, that is, your mom. She always came here, why would she stop it now?
You have to hide much from them
Of course, parents it is not necessary to know that you practice bdsm in the role of Sabamissive, you work as a secret agent or from time to time to a wonderful woman. Everyone can have their own secrets. It costs to alert if the secrets somehow too much and you hide from mom with dad even all sorts of little things - a new tattoo (they do not approve it), Piercing navel (you are that, and did not come out of teenage age?!), The cost of the dress (Everyone will not learn to handle money) and conflicts with a boyfriend (and you warned you that he was not a couple).
Why it is dangerous: If you still be afraid of their reaction to things that do not have anything to do with them, it means that herself understands - parents still control you as a teenager, and you, like a teenager, forced to lie, yolve and hide, so as not to get Atatat By its 30-s-something-year-old ass. In fact, they still decide for you, which is possible, and what is impossible. And you are ready to riot only if its consequences can be hidden. When it comes to a situation where it is impossible to satisfy - for example, a divorce with her husband or moving to another country - you are not excluded, you do not do what you think, but what does not grieve mom.
They interfere in your plans
You have long been an adult, you have a red diploma, mortgage loan, two children (or three cats) and gray hair, but mom and dad still think that it is not for you to decide what to do with your life. The most common option is the requirement to give birth to grandchildren. Or even more grandchildren, if they are already there. Even more from another man, because they do not like this. Or from this, but only after he will make you a honest woman and takes into the registry office.
My mother and dad had big plans on you, but something went wrong and you did not turn into their improved copy. You did not become a lawyer, but on the contrary, went to yoga instructors. Your husband is not in my mother's taste. And you yourself are far from the father's father's father.
Why it is dangerous: Parental requirements hit the seats and turn into the daughter of their dreams are not harmless. They either annoy and repel you from the family, damaging trust, or knock the sensors and you, a good girl, don't understand what you want - hitchhiking in the galaxy, MVA or marry a good boy Leshenka and the top of the heirs.
Evaluations are issued
Each meeting with the family is a test, and you are almost always sure that I did not cope, did not stretch and rushed on the most passati. Anyone of your decision is approved or not. Parents have a solid opinion about it costs you to cut your hair or not, where to go on vacation when you change the job and what toys to buy children.
Lokonov they approve, and Kare - no. The daughter should wear a dress. Crimea - Yes, Cambodia - for nothing. It is noteworthy that you do not ask the Council, yes this is not advice - parents continue to evaluate even those actions that cannot be checked back, and still have a whole year for you for gone with such a good bread position, even if your return is impossible.
Why it is dangerous: Parents are not ready to communicate with you on an equal footing, because there are no estimates, it is the right of superiors. And the deuce makes us justify and try to correct, but at the same time and feel guilty for your own choice - that is, for learning to think of your head. In such an environment, it is possible to decide that it is safer to be slave and not solve anything, passing it to those who are stronger.
You are under the hood
"Mother is calling!" - This is an alarming siren, and you have to quit everything and immediately answer. Parents think that you live in a hidden hot spot under carpet bombing and the unanswered call can only mean one thing - you died in a trench. You are sitting at the meeting, you have sex, do not hear the phone, change the diaper, sleep? Of course not. How is this possible.
If you do not answer immediately, you will be waiting for the story about Validol and Correspondence of Morgo. Wherever you are, you have to report daily about what is healthy, the soup went, the hat put on and came home at 9 pm. Sometimes parents recheck the information, calling her husband and you are somewhat puzzled.
Why it is dangerous: It is clean water to the manipulation, mixed on the feeling of guilt, and its goal is to deprive you of the right to dispose of your time and say no.
