Personal boundaries are important. A child with an understanding of personal borders with a much smaller probability will suffer from adults or peers, there will be no other children. He will not endure - "maybe it is necessary?" - When a nurse or anyone else does something wrong and therefore very painful.
A child with a sense of personal borders will grow into a woman who ... no, unlikely to avoid harassment, until our society change. But it will not solve to endure the invasion of her body just because it is incomprehensible to refuse or in general, as if the situation is such that you seem like (according to society) is obliged to "give". Will be the rights in the maternity hospital, if they are inappropriate. And, of course, it will not attend the body of other women.We are a generation that was taught from the pellery that its borders are unimportant. His opinion, feelings, the vision of the situation does not matter. Maybe when we grow up ... and that is not a fact. Dusting installation and vicious practice that it is time to interrupt. Let our children be people since childhood. And let them be a little more safe.
His body is important
If shoes are hisery and a clutch is not "being patient, but beautiful." This reason to take measures or at least to lay down that these measures are now taken right now and will have to be heroically undergo discomfort. If the child speaks to a sweet melon, perfectly obtained wowing or a sweet-dog broccoli, that they are bitter or "burnt", do not bother, so as not to invent, and convince that everything is wrong. We must listen and check the child on allergies or, at least, just do not feed what causes such dislike.
The child should feel constantly that physical discomfort, especially blissful - it is abnormally, and it is more correct to avoid it.
His consent is important
Our pediatricians, dentists and hairdressers only get used to the fact that the child needs not only to explain what they will do with it, but also ask permission to touch. "I'll look into your mouth, you can?", "I'll raise your shirt now to listen to how you breathe, this thing, you can?", "Let me combat you for a start?"
It is necessary to ask them separately and in advance.
Yes, if the child says "no", it is unpleasant here and now. But in most cases, it is not dead. But the girl will grow confident in his right to allow or prohibit touching the body and manipulation with it.
His opinion is important
Even if it does not affect the final decision on some question, it exists and should be recognized as existing. "We are going to the grandmother to visit" - "Stupid idea, a stupid trip!" - "Sorry you think so, but you have the right to this opinion. And yet we will go, the decision was made and now we cannot be revised. " Yes something like that.
Even better if you are interested in time from time to time, you wonder the foundation of the child's opinion. Maybe he just has a bad mood and he is against any plans, just called. Or maybe the grandmother has something or, especially important, someone scares, for example, behaving inappropriately (secretly manifests usual or sexual aggression). I do not want to think frown about the uncle or grandfather of the child, but I miss the attention by important bells - even worse.
It would also be nice to ask about the read read or viewed and not analysis, but an opinion. At least from time to time.
You can change your mind!
We forbidden, and this is understandable. There is nothing pleasant to prepare everything for a joint view of the filmfilm on the veranda and the most configured and hear suddenly, that it is no longer necessary for anyone. Should you now read all the diameters, seeding them along the chairs.
But to understand that "yes" you have the right to change the "no" at any time - it is important. The right to go to the opponent - an important element of education of the ability to remain safe and feel their personal borders.
I wanted porridge and moved. The child has the right to change their mind. You have the right to disappear a little about this (and tell why - about the strength spent, they also take them out of the air), but the catastrophe is still not there and should not be. Just small everyday trouble, right.
Alien space is also important
It is impossible to iron other people's dogs and quotes without permission. And you should not offer to just go stroke the cat, no longer asking for this permission from the owner or hostess. It is not necessary to encourage physical contact with another child just for the sake of "friendliness" - it is impossible to ignitely to be pounced on an unfamiliar or at all unfamiliar peers not only with the plugs, but also with the arms of Lee, with the kisses of whether or with hair touch. Do not telete outsided adults and look into your eyes.
Other borders help to realize their borders. Well, and their awareness reduces the chance that your child will become an aggressor in the future.
Say "No" and stop the hammos
Your daughter looks at you. She looks like you tolerate (if you tolerate) uncomfortable when it might not tolerate, and how to smooth out someone else's rudeness. Your daughter imites you, even when does not want, because this is the essence of the connection between mother and daughter.
You (probably) is difficult to be like that whatever you want to see her. Your mother and grandmothers (most likely) did not give you the same promises, the same start that you try to give your daughter. You are not accustomed to the feats for yourself. Well, but what about the navigation for yourself if he for your child?
Once it will be difficult, it will not be possible at all. And once with time will be obtained. If you start. If you decide.
Text author: Lilith Mazikina