Violence destroys the identity as a virus or bacterium destroy the body. Need treatment and need rehabilitation. What do women feel after parting with a rapist partner? What is the most difficult for them in restoration? Talk our readers who escaped from hell.
It's hard to get used that I am an adult
What was the hardest thing after leaving the violent relationship? Understand that I can live alone. That I am an adult, mentally full. I generally have a long time in a relationship - it seemed that I had some kind of mentally a defective child, so the former treat me. That I can provide myself and do not die in the ditch instantly. What I'm able to master new skills, and those that are needed for my life and survival. And I still can not master new things that need, for example, "men's work" of the type to fix the coins on the simulator. Or I can dare to call a taxi itself - it has always done former. And I am still scary to rely entirely financially on yourself. I still have learned to do it. And it's still scary that I have no housing. And, accordingly, I'm scared that I can't pay rent, and what to do then? It is difficult for me to get used to my homelessness, to the fact that I rent housing.In the dry residue, it is difficult for me to get used to the fact that I am an adult who can, wants to take care of himself.
Separation with the best friend
It is difficult that our dog is common, she stayed with him, but I have to look after it when it is not, that is, when he leaves. He generally lives in two cities, leaves every two weeks. But at the same time I still come when he is to get it, take a walk with her, and in the end I communicate a lot with him. And this is a big problem, because communication is very toxic. I can't get used to the fact that the dog does not live with me anymore, and there is no opportunity to keep it.
Could not get up with bed
Shortly after I escaped from him (good, it was where, I had my own apartment acquired before marriage), I ran away. In the right sense of the word. There were days when I just could not get up from bed in the morning, so I was thrown back. Even before the toilet was a problem.I suffer from Besonity
Get out - it is half an end. I really want to live normally ... Already a year after parting with my husband, I almost do not sleep. I fall asleep in the evening. And then I wake up at midnight and no longer sleep.
From scratch
I had to learn everything to go - to communicate, work, sleep, ask for help, trust people, nothing to be afraid. As people after severe injuries of the spine re-learn to move their hands and legs and walk to not stay with disabilities, I had to treat social disabilities.Violence uroduces
The most difficult thing so far believes that I can be valuable by myself. My value is not determined by the price (money that I earn or do not earn) and the fact that other people can respect me and love. I should not and is not obliged to deserve a good attitude, I have the basic right to respect my borders, feelings and everything that is important to me. Actually, why it is so hard to get out of the abuse and even after parting it takes years - to recover, because the tiller breaks your core - how do you feel about what you think about yourself that you allow yourself. It simply poison and urged a sense of self-esteem, self-esteem and even self-preservation.
Have to silent
It was very difficult to find secure people who can tell their story without condemnation and ridicule. I had to be silent several years, because there were only toxic people nearby. And injury in silence only grows
It is difficult to be one
Loneliness. I did not know that isolating the sacrifice is the guarantee of rapists, the alphabet. And then it was horrified, seeing that there was only his friends around me, but I did not see my friends already. At that moment and panic was, and depression.No longer afraid?
Believe that you can not be afraid, do not think about every word, not to be in the round-the-clock circular defense.
Everything is allowed!
I was not allowed a feeling of drinking freedom. I can not report to anyone! I can spend time as I want! I can sleep, without fear that I will suddenly be attracted to the execution of a marital debt! I can not cook! And make yourself a salad, but kishkash children. I can buy clothes and shoes that are comfortable and like me, only me! I can communicate with anyone and not report in this way! I can just go to the computer all evening! I can choose beer, pizza, sushi, without looking around at any discontented face under the grumbling "it is expensive and harmful"! I can bring the home like a man when there are no children, yeeeeee !! God, what happiness. How lucky I was that I got rid of him.No one else rolls without
I can buy things to yourself who like me yourself, and not think if they like him. And he exactly will not like anything. It's sad, this is a collective farm, this is a pretentious, it is Babushechye, this is a vulgar, it is not by age, it is "Wow, you are talking about yourself" ...
Happiness
I had an euphoria from Freedom first. As if from the cell broke out.
Information Security
I just recently ceased to heal each time I get up because of the company. From fear that he will read.Was not going to be a mom's mom
When I gave birth to a child, I did not plan to raise him alone. But when the behavior of the father's daughter in a drunken form became dangerous for us with the girl, I left. A child in kindergarten is constantly sick. Because of this, I can not get a permanent job, I work at home. No one wants to take a woman with a small child. Which that and the case will go to the hospital. We live in need, and it is very difficult.
Without dad calmer
The most difficult for me is now the need is still sooner or later to start interacting with it in the format "Dad comes to children." Now he is not coming to children for more than 3 months, it became calmer in the house. And from the need to start a newly (communication of children with him) I am bombed "Nedaltski".Samadavonovat
The worst to hear from loved ones - if you beat you, then you may be to blame for this. Social isolation when he exposes you inadequate hysterical, and people believe him. Start working and act - the only desire to hide under the blanket and disappear. Judicial deeds are scary, because No resources. Grass on the Internet and social networks, threats, blackmail, damage personal things, hacking email and mailing to familiar customers of all sorts of vyslazni from my face. I'm still in the process. Complex section of apartments and alimony. From the side it looks like a panic of Tiran, whose victim breaks off from the hook, and he will ride all the buttons to destroy the victim. Any interaction with this person is scary, disgusting and disgusting. It paralyzes, kills the taste for life, dreams, ambitions, plans. Regret that I did not finish it during the first meeting. Already came out of prison. It is daily to observe his mining with lawyers to pick up an apartment in children and save on alimony. It is terrible that he continues to pull you into his sick and surposal world with curvature values. Scary when after communicating with him, twist at halfna the domestic dialogue, not noticing the change of days, the smell of rain, autumn leaves. It is scary to think that you will never come back to your old life.
It is still scary, the feeling of emptiness, when you understand that you still do not want anything: read the book, write a book, go to an archaeological expedition or just make a manicure. It is terrible that this internal emptiness is easily transformed into irritation on children. Scary when so much advisers with their unnecessary councils and opinions are around: for the sake of children it was necessary to endure, he had such a good father, I would have lived with him - damn, do you know what kind of good father is it for closed doors? It is terrible material instability, a terrible dull revenge of the former - you divorced, so the feeds of the children herself. It is terrible to wish the death to another person, for this is the only thing that can completely stop the communication in which you never get the initiator. It is terrible to hear all this folk wisdom that there is no smoke without fire, her husband and wife - one Satan, both are to blame.
The article prepared Natalia Kalashnikova
Illustrations: shutterstock