Julia Xianto - Young Mom and Dowla, whose text about tactile fatigue (Completely Touched Out) We have been published last time, and he went through thousands of sharing posts. And this article is about how modern girls drive themselves in an angle, trying to become perfect mothers. And why it is very harmful to try to be just such. There is no ideal. Forget this word.
During pregnancy, I, of course, believed that everything would be for me as in the arts on natural childbirth and parent. Birth will be lightweight, fast, "for one hundred". Immediately hang the baby on the chest and will sleep for two years in an embrace. And yes, for each squeak - also breasts, and no pacifiers. And we will walk in the sling by half a day, and necessarily in the scarf! .. When it was time to give birth, this idealism crashed into the second hour of childbirth, when the fights have already become so strong that it was bad to extend ... and when there were still ahead Long long hours Fights and fence. Both screams and pain. Births turned out to be hard, not in vain in English, childbirth is called "Labor" - work. And when my baby was born that Well, he really was with great joy "hung" on his chest. That's just me, or rather, this my chest was not ready for harsh reality, and in the evening of the first day I was roaring from crack pain. Then there followed the whole month of the establishment of breastfeeding and a lot, a lot of tears and sacred teeth during feeding.
Five weeks everything passed, and feeding became joy and special intimacy, but it was not easy for us. I just did not give up because I had information and unconditionally believing in me and supporting the environment.
And how many moms did not have any other? ..
And in the first day of my son's life, at three o'clock in the morning did not stand inherent fatigue and pain and pulled out of a long corner of someone given a nipple. The size of "12 m +", a huge rubber thing, which barely accompanied in the mouth of my did not stop the blurred infant to yell. But which he sedibly sucked and finally fell asleep. And we, too, lightweight and sighs a little to blame.
Then we taught us in such situations to give to suck your finger so as not to spoil the capture, with our problems with breastfeeding it was important. But .. the seizure has improved, the difficulties with feeding were forgotten. Problems with sleep raised like a snowball.
In four months, I again tried to give a nipple (already in size, of course) for sleep, and my son suddenly began to fall asleep, quickly and easily. And sleep longer. We consulted and decided that my nerves and tears are more expensive to us, and let them suck on the dreams, but we will live without these endless scandals.
We were so against dust !!! Who gives a nipple - just labored! Yes, we are never! ... Exactly until the first night. What we were funny idealists. I said - we were very sleeping during pregnancy. Oh yeah, and, of course, a joint dream is this golden body of natural parenthood. No, I still think it's very cool to sleep together. But we did not work. For the first two months I could not feed, lying on my side. Capture did not succeed from the word at all, I was wildly hurt, my son was also frustrated and outraged. Fed sitting, on the pillow, then gently shifted.
I also could not sleep for more than an hour with the baby under the side - everything crushed, I woke up and woke up and my son, automatically.
In addition, I had a postpartum autoimine tyrotid (this is a thyroid disorder), and one of his symptoms is insomnia, problems with falling asleep and extremely sensitive sleep. Well, you understood, yes? ....
The first month of the son really slept between us or from my Bock Bed. But we moved to the maximum possible distance so as not to give God to not worry and not wake. Then, when he stopped sleeping in the afternoon in a row and I had no strength to scold him (and I still had a boobs at that time, to give every fall asleep), he began to sleep on me on top, belly to the stomach.
I read, I slept myself, tupil to Faisbook, and he slept - everything was fine. And at night, he began to sleep suddenly in his crib with a shot side attached to my side of the bed. In fifty centimeters from me, but still separately. And I also started sleeping at night, at least somehow. In four months, he was sleeping in a crib and afternoon. And he slept there much better and longer, neatly frozen, in the dark and with white noise. And I had a free, my personal, time.
So we committed with joint sleep, alas and cheers. Well, about slings. I happily wore my three and a half or four kilograms of happiness in the first month in a scarf. Once a week. Then the son suddenly began to weigh all six kilos, and I just got my thyroidish with his weakness, shaking hands, a crazy pulse and a sore belly.
Plus, the baby extremely did not like to be frowning, immediately began to cry and break out, and I - sweat and nervous. Sometimes it wounds crooked so that he quickly calmed down on the street, and sometimes stayed at home. Salking suddenly became a sling with rings. Quickly, easy, convenient. But then ... eight not sitting kilograms in a sling with rings, on one shoulder, farther than to the store? ... In general, I only became a real mobile and active Slingoma when we have grown to backpacks.
And scarves, which I so diligently chose and bought into the pregnancy ... Lying, beautiful. Recently, however, I started to get them again and learn to moth - the disease retreated, the baby grew and became patient. But the backpars are still our choice in 95% of cases. And the dad wears them with pleasure.
You do not think, I do not complain. Or what I think that my motherhood failed. Not at all, I know for sure that I am a great mother to my son. He is a cute, calm and completely uncomfortable kid.
And even on the contrary - I am glad that everything happened to me. In order for children's disease, entitled "Perfectionism" forever remained in the past.
We all make our choice, the best of possible in every particular situation.
The fifth will agree to induction already in the estimated date of birth, "in order not to tolerate," and the sixth - on the cesarean cross section, because "the ultrasound showed a curse." They obey was no one to provide full information, show research results, hug and help take their own decision. They did not have a better choice than to agree with the proposal of the doctor. Just not.
Someone decides to give birth at home and solo, and someone feels safer in the maternity hospital, surrounded by a bunch of specialists. The first risks to be "natural selection", the second - victim of obstetric aggression. They have both, however, there are excellent chances and naturally give birth.
One mother will buy a silent stroller, the other is no less trimmed sling. The third will buy a kenguushku in general - she also read that wearing a child on himself very useful for his development! Just about ergonomic wearing there was not a word and she really is not aware of what happens differently. What do you really think that someone carries a child in a kingulus specifically, being informed about the possible harm to the baby? .. Whose child will come from the maternity hospital already with a pacifier and does not disperse with her up to two years, in parallel perfectly and without sucks. chest. And the mother of another will never give him a pacifier, but they will not succeed in breastfeeding. After all, it happens.
Your illnesses, physical and spiritual. Surroundings, rigid and not understanding. Lack of information. Political situation in the country. Lack of help. Other children requiring attention and care. The death of loved ones. Psychological problems.
Evaluating and condemning another woman from the side - are you sure that you know the whole situation? ..
She is this every mother - makes the best for himself and his child, which is capable at this particular point. She does not become the worst mother just because she chose something else, and not what would have chosen the "ideal" mother.
Two years later, in ten years, with another baby, and even her husband, she can choose something completely different. But at that moment she made the best thing that could. What I knew.
Being yourself is the most important lesson to whom you can teach a child. Do not wear masks, do not "try."
Of course, this does not mean that you need to sit on the sofa, to sof the cigarettes and answer all the claims: "Well, yes, here I am a pig!". Not. Develop, learn, constantly strive to improve yourself and the world around - this is also a child will learn from you. But you do not need to compare yourself with others. Compare with you the previous one. Do you know today for three words more in English than last Monday? Class! Ate for one candy less? Super! Would you not to get into the discussion of a colleague-based colleague? Hero! And if - was able to give birth after Cesarean? We feed the breast of the second baby, although with the first "there was no milk"? I learned not to spank and do not yell on children? Wow! .. And just like that. And children, these small copy cars, they will learn from us. Including happiness and adoption. And the pursuit of the ideality of anyone else and never did happy.