Want that adults or not, they like it or not, teenagers have sex. And you can't do anything about it. But you can teach them to be protected and asking for the consent of the partner. But is it always teenage sex - is it about sex? Is the motives of adolescent sex erotic?
Let's try to figure out that, in addition to the woken sexuality, desires, the desire to enjoy and desire to know the possibilities of your body, in addition to love and joy from communicating with a specific person, causes sex in teenagers.
What lies on the surface
- The desire to get the approval of the reference group - friends, girlfriends, class, leaders. "How, you still not? ..." "And how many girls did you have?" "Still a virgin?!"- Curiosity.
- Just for the company. What? Have you ever done anything for the company? Did not bathe naked at night? Didn't smoke? Did not drink? Did not figure the concert or at the rally? Did not laugh like crazy? And they are not yet particularly stable, they can also have sex for the company (collecting a teenager on a risk party, let me / her condoms on the whole company).
And if you dig deeper? What pushes teenagers in "Paws of Sex"?
For the desire to get the approval of comrades (and not to become an outcast in its medium) more often there is a total anxiety inherent in age.
About what anxiety is being worked out in adolescents, says psychologist Tatyana Abramova:
"Teens grow. They grow physically, emotionally. At this age, the hormones "shipat with a terrible force." The body changes, overcome new unfamiliar sensations, I want something. "The brakes do not work." This is accompanied by physical fatigue and overexcitation at the same time. Teens elementary do not cope with them.
It seems like they already feel independent, together with them pursue sharp fear of mistakes, the fear of insolvency.
And I want to be accepted, be "at the level", I want to be "like everyone else."
And the parents are considered small at the same time ...
... And they are not ready to give them so much independence, but they need, but from fear of children before the cultivation of children (and void in their lives) increase control over them, or infect them with their own increased anxiety.
Yes, parents often provoke children for early sex: their fear before early pregnancy, before HIV, with their inability to talk about it, to keep their attempts to keep their sexuality.
Sexuality is often becoming a trigger for anxiety. "
So sex like Anxiety reducing means.
Sex as self-determination: "Everyone is told, but I have no experience, like age already approached, but I still don't know."
Sex as a marker of adulthood.
Sex as a tranquilizer. We are talking about tension through sex.
Sex as a psychostimulator . Speech about the flight from reality through sex: someone drinks, someone takes drugs, someone is actively engaged in sex.
Sexualization and eroticization of everything and everything also makes their job.
Sexuality and desalcy of the opposite sex in the mass culture and advertising (which is the main life background) is filed as a key quality of a person. The recognition of their sexuality becomes a measure of personal consistency, the presence and number of sex - measure of success.The desire and readiness for sex is equal to love. Relationships with the opposite floors are not prevented without sex and reduce it.
Sex acquires independent superversion. With all the ensuing consequences, such as objectification, i.e., equating women and girls to their body as a sexual object, as well as equating men and young people to their potency and "sexual force". What, in turn, leads to the inability to build personal relationships and be in relationships.
Kira Weber, Anddagog, Community Trainer, Conflict Mediator:
"Teenagers to early sex pushes very often the desire of communication, unity, the desire to find themselves in this regard. This is the very need to satisfy the social networks, and there is a lot of lot. In the conditions of pressure of total sexualization and eroticism, teenagers are trying to satisfy this need "not the place."
What can it lead to? Sex is an ultimative form of communication (determining the psychologist Mikhail Litvaka). That is, the highest, absolute, and it is a multi-level intimacy. When sex takes place on the basis of confidence and already built relationships, not at the desire of a mental connection, he disconnects - instead of connecting. "
Sex as a substitute for love and friendship
Thirst for heat, participation - emotional intimacy - can be satisfied due to the proximity of physical. And we are talking about the short-breeding child in the family, and on the unseen sensations associated with the natural teenage separation.
The extreme degree of emotional hunger is loneliness, when the teenager has no close friends, "can push him into an embrace to the one who suggested sex.
Inability to be friends and in general to communicate in a complex with a waking sexuality can also make sex a frost substitute.
Inability to be friends is a common problem of modern children. Many children's classes (all for the sake of development and good education), a lack of leisure and "closed" life in big cities led to the fact that ordinary friendly relations are not tied between children.
Most of the communication between children takes place in general classes for use, and not based on sympathy and mutual interest or simply on the usual intimacy (when children are many years nearby).
When the children grow up, it turns out that the girl is needed, and what to do with her, the boy does not really know ...
Features of socialization
At the same time, the average boy was taught that he should achieve, achieve, win. Constant confrontation, war, battle is one of the basics of male socialization. Sex for boys is also a battlefield, Arena for achievements.Psychologist Harry Colman:
"The boys claim their masculinity through a physicality, and since with a physicity in our society very badly, then everything comes down to sex or near-occupy actions, and it is desirable coarse, and then -" not a man. "
Girls are still often prescribed to be patient, kind, compliant. Until now, many girls are growing oriented not on themselves, and on men, the presence of a man in life determines the social consistency of the woman.
And the girl to get recognition from boys, inferior ... or just does not know how to resist pressure. "
Psychologist Tatyana Abramova:
"Even for thinking men sometimes happens to be a revelation that the violation of the boundaries is violence. They are surprised, they think this is normal - constant pressure and persecution. Above the girls will communicate the need for conformity to certain stereotypes. External appeal is the main energy of promotion and knowledge. Unfortunately."
What to do with it - with the fact that children have sex?
Nothing. The child has grown. You can only hand the stock of condoms and tell about risks. And set the rules. Sorry, discuss. "Install" with adolescents will not pass.
What are these risks?
1. Risk of unwanted pregnancy.
2. The risk of infection with sexually transmitted diseases.
3. Risk of HIV infection.
Liability for these risks are both partners!
As well as:
1. The risk of being raped for girls.
2. The risk of being raped for the boy.
3. The risk of becoming a rapist for the boy.
Responsibility for these risks is always on who becomes a rapist!
What rules may be?
1. Condoms, even if other prevention methods are used.
2. Voice consent. Understanding and accepting that "no" is not. And that the lack of clear "yes" is "no". This is especially true for boys.
3. And again for boys - do not persuade, do not give, "no" is not.
4. If you do not want, if unpleasant, if you are afraid, if you do not like the place, if not in time, say no. This is especially true for girls. If the boy is offended by your "no" - you are not responsible for his feelings. If he threatens to stop "be friends" after refusal (or threatens something else) is blackmail, and blackmail is unworthy and irresponsible. And unsafe.
5. "No" may refer both in general to sex and separate sexual practitioners.
6. Ideally, sex only for a sober head. A person under the action of alcohol is in the changed state of consciousness, no question of conscious and clearly voiced consent can go. The girl drank - do not touch. I drank myself - say no. He drank himself - do not stick. Drunk girl sticks - say no.
7. Sex only under normal conditions - with clean hands and sexual bodies in a clean apartment on clean sheets.
You want or no, teenagers have sex. And the best is your own reasonable attitude towards this. As well as the regular update of the stock of high-quality condoms in a bag or a backpack in a child and discussing clear and understandable rules of safe sexual behavior.
Illustrations: shutterstock