Signs of a full and harmonious personality formulated by the classic of modern psychoanalysis Nancy Mc Williams.
1. Supply love
The ability to be involved in the relationship, open another person. Love him as it is: with all the shortcomings and advantages. Without idealization and depreciation. This is the ability to give, not to take.
This also applies to parental love for children, and affiliate love between a man and a woman.
2. The ability to work
We are not only a profession. This is primarily about the ability to create and create what is valuable for a person, family, society.
People are important to realize what they do, makes sense and meaning for others. This ability to bring something new to the world, creative potential. Often with such a complexity of teenagers.
3. Ability to play
Here we are talking both about the "game" in the literal sense, like the children's and about the ability of adult people to "play" with words, symbols. It is an opportunity to use metaphors, allegory, humor, symbolize your experience and receive pleasure from it.
Young animals often play using body contact, which is important for their development. At the same time, if the animals are not allowed to play one day, then the next they will take it to play with double zeal. Scientists conduct an analogy with people and conclude that, perhaps, the hyperactivity in children is a consequence of a lack of play.
In addition, in modern society there is a general trend towards what we stop playing. Our games from "active" turn into "removable observation". We are still less dancing, singing, engaged in sports, more and more watching others. I wonder what effections are made for mental health? ..
4. Safe relationship
Unfortunately, often people who appeal to psychotherapy are violent, threatening, dependent - in one word, unhealthy relations. John Bowlby described three types of attachment: normal, alarming (difficult to carry loneliness, so the person "sticks out" to a significant object) and avoiding (a person can easily release the other, but it remains with a colossal alarm inside).
Subsequently, another type of attachment was released - disorganized (D-type): People with this type of attachment often react to a person who caregoes for them as a source of warmth and fear. This is characteristic of people with a border level of a personal organization, and is often observed after violence or rejection as a child. Such people are "sticking up" to the object of affection and at the same time "biting" it.
Unfortunately, infringement of affection is a very common phenomenon. But the good news is that the type of attachment can be changed. As a rule, psychotherapy is well suited for this (from two or more years). But it is possible to change the type of attachment and in the presence of stable, safe, long-term (more than 5 years) relations with a partner.
5. Autonomy
In people who appeal to psychotherapy, its lack of (but huge potential, since they all came to therapy). People do not do what they really want. They do not even have time to "choose" (listen to themselves) what to want them.
At the same time, the illusory autonomy can be shifted to other areas of life. For example, patients suffering from anorexia are often trying to control at least something that seems accessible to them, choosing instead of their desires - own weight.
6. Constancy itself and object
This is the ability to remain in contact with all sides of your own: both good and bad, both pleasant and non-rapid joy. It is also the ability to feel conflicts and not split.
The contact between the child I was, who I am now, and the person I will be in 10 years. The ability to take into account and integrate everything that is given by nature and what I managed to develop in myself.
One of the violations of this item may be a "attack" on its own body, when it is unconsciously not perceived as part of itself. It becomes something separate that you can cut or make it hungry.
7. The ability is restored after stress
If a person has enough power, when it faces stress, it does not get ill, it does not use only one rigid protection to exit it. It is capable of adapting to a new situation.
8. Realistic and reliable self-esteem
Many people are unrealistic and at the same time evaluate themselves too hard, possess the criticizing the harsh super ego. It is possible and, on the contrary, an overestimated self-esteem.
Parents praise children, wanting to have all the best, including the "best" children. But such an unreasonable praise, deprived of its essence of love and warmth, instills in children a sense of void. They do not understand who are actually in fact, and it seems to them that no one really knows them. Such people often act as if they are eligible for themselves, although in fact they did not earn it.
9. Value Orientation System
It is important that the person understands the ethical standards, their meaning, despite the flexibility in concerning them. In the XIX century, they talked about "moral madness" - now this is rather a rather antisocial disorder of personality. This is a serious problem associated with misunderstanding, inappreating a person of various ethical, moral and value norms and principles. Moreover, other elements from this list can be saved in people with such problems.
10. The ability to remove emotion
To make emotions - it means to be able to stay with them, feel it, while not acting under their influence. It is also the simultaneous ability to remain in contact and with emotions, and with thoughts - its rational part.
11. Reflection
The ability to remain ego-dyshoton, the ability to look at yourself as it were from. People with reflexion are able to see what exactly is their problem, and accordingly, to do with it in such a way as to solve it, as much as possible by helping himself.
12. Mentalization
Possessing this ability, people understand that others are completely individual personality, with their own characteristics, personal and psychological structure. Such people also see the difference between what they feel offended after someone's words and those who really wanted to offend or feel rather caused by their personal, personal experience and personal features.
13. The variability of protective mechanisms and flexibility in their use
When, for all cases and in various situations, a person has only one type of protection is a pathology.
14. Balance Meanwhile I do for myself and for my environment
This is about the ability to be ourselves and take care of our own interests, taking into account the interests of the partner with whom the relationship is.
15. Feeling of vitality
The ability to be and feel alive. Winnikot wrote that a person can function normally, but it seems to be inanimate. Many psychiatrists and psychotherapists wrote about the inner doneriness.
16. Taking what we can not change
This ability to sincerely and honestly be sad, taking sorrow due to the fact that it is impossible to change. The acceptance of its limitations and mourning of what we would like to have, but we do not have it.
