Marriage is no longer eternal (and you often want to say - what happiness!). People get married, people are bred. Only divorce does not always expect. For some reason, husbands are surprised most. The psychologist Pavel Zyggmantovich explains them, why the wives leave.
Very often, the care of his wife becomes thunder among a clear sky.How so?! Still, it was good, and here, nat you, hello, took and gone! What the…?!
Well, let's let me explain why this happens, from where all this surprise is.
Chestyj against fog
Psychological studies have shown that in relation to marriage in men and women, there are very different ideas.
The average woman represents a marriage very well, one can say in detail - how should the morning of spouses, like a day, like the evening, what everyday life is different from the weekend, how many times to go to the sea, how to go to visit and whom to congratulate. At times, I'm joking that women have a very detailed drawing of relations, where in all details all-all-all sizes, diameters and material resistance are marked.
Another thing is men. Our average brother ideas about marriage is very foggy. Literally in the spirit of the joke "Booschy! In bed! " In other words, the middle man wants everything to be good, and what is good - it is quite weak enough.
It is important to remember the immutable law - the more clear our expectations, the greater the chances that the reality does not meet them. And as soon as she did not meet in them, emotions are caught - we are experiencing, in scientific speaking, frustration, and in a simple - bummer.
And the reality is almost always diverted with our expectations. Therefore, the average woman is dissatisfied with its marriage much more often and much more than the middle man. Therefore, women are more likely to divorce - what's the point of living with a person who does not suit you? One torment.
"Your day - the eighth of March"
No need to think that women are catastrophically wrong in their tendency to have a carefully worked picture of marriage. It is not necessary to assume that a man is catastrophically mistaken, having foggy ideas about marriage.
Yes, both options are extremes. Yes, it would be good that women's presentings are less, and the representations of men are more specific (all the more so that all this is very fitful and with due diligence changes).
The problem is different. The problem is in the sexist concept of some men, which can be described in three words: "A woman says nonsense." This also refers to the famous: "Listen to the woman and draw on the contrary." And when a woman comes and tries calmly, humanly, with respect to explain that she doesn't like everything in marriage, a man, in whose head such a concept lives, simply dismissed from a woman.
Then, at consultations, I have these men, they say, I didn't think that it was so important for her, she did not explain that it was really a serious problem, she was to blame, she did not report.
In fact, a woman, of course, explained and born, just a man because of his concept dismissed, did not pay attention. Think, the woman says some nonsense - she wants to walk more often and generally communicate, what nonsense, do not bother to watch TV.
And when the woman went, here's no longer dismissible, here it turns out in the brain. But it's' too late.
Obvious way out
There is little simple statement. It would be necessary to give specific recommendations, right?
Let's start with recommendations for women. Dear young ladies! If possible, show that the situation is not just worried about, and that this is a truly serious problem (if it is really a serious problem), which would be worth solving. No need to take trash under the carpet. You need to get it from there, sort and jointly throw it into a designed place.
Now the recommendation of men. Dear fellow! Remove, please, from sexist concepts. This is, firstly, useful, secondly, very useful. Treat the concerns of your woman carefully - they are, in reality, not so much, these concerns, you can consider.
This is actually normal - carefully treat a close person and what is happening to him. Do not hide, and give this value, at least minimal.
I, confess, is somewhat strange to write all this, but, alas, - at work I regularly come across men, in whose heads are full of such concepts. It would be strange if women did not leave them.
Fortunately, I repeat, a person may well change his concepts, there would be a desire.
TOTAL
Men should be more attentive to the experiences of their women, women are worth something to designate problems and not to take garbage under the carpet, do not silence problems. Then the chances of a happy marriage grow radically.
I have everything, thanks for your attention.
Source: Phael Pavlo Zygmantovich Psychologist Blog