Ellen Degerers - one of the most famous comedians of the United States and, probably, it is difficult to notice a woman who has already received 11 "Emmy" and held two Oscar ceremonies. As the critics said: finally, not only guests were mixed on Oscare, but also the audience. And we decided to smash you and the cool quotes.
2. Life rate: dress in an office suit and go to the office by car, for which you still pay to earn money for this costume, cars and houses that you leave empty for the whole day to afford to live in it.
3. Never follow someone else's trail! If, of course, you did not get lost in the forest and did not finally find a path. Then surely follow.
4. It is very important to remain in the form. Here's my grandmother began to pass five miles a day when she was 60. Now she is ninety-seven and we, damn it, we have no idea where she was shaved.
5. "When you are forty, your life will go under the mountain." Well, I do not understand why it should be bad. When I go hiking, "go under the mountain" means that I have already overcame the most difficult part and soon to unite and sing. In my opinion, it is very good.
7. The word "yoga" literally denotes "union", because when you do it, it unites your mind and body. And you understand this immediately. The mind says to you: "Oh, damn, hurt," and the body answers: "I know." Then the mind says: "Listen, tie with it." And the body responds: "I agree, just can't. Looks like I'm stuck. "
8. There is a special name for people who have a lot of things. They are called Horders. But in my times they were called just grandmothers.
9. I do not need to nine months in a row in a row. If I need it so that I have everything and sick me in the morning, then I can achieve this with an old-fashioned way: get drunk as the previous evening.
10. Long ago, in the nineties, if you wanted to tell everyone that you ate for breakfast waffles, you could not just go and write about it on the Internet. There was only one way. You needed to go outside and scream that there are urine: "I ate waffles for breakfast!" Such people, however, fell into psychiatric hospitals. It sounds wild, but if you think, they just ahead of their time.
12. I bought a new disc and tried to open a box, but I could not cope with all these layers. Plastic, cardboard, film, like a police tape. It is written "Open here." It's sarcasm? And you buy batteries, and they are under the layers of cardboard. Or here is the scissors. To unpack scissors need scissors. And what if you buy them for the first time in life? You can not open them at all. But try to buy a light bulb, and it will lie in a thin cardboard box. I wonder what they just think about?
13. I ask people: why do you need deer heads on the walls. They always say: it is such a beautiful creature. Well, sorry. I here, I think that my mother is very attractive, but I somehow climb her photos.
14. Okay, deer heads on the wall. But even worse when they are decorated with dark glasses and a hat on the horns. Then you understand that the deer was at a party when he was shot.
16. There is a face cream, hand cream, leg cream, body cream. What for? What happens if I squeeze my leg cream? They are confused and start applauding?
17. I can not believe that doctors are not able to come up with the analysis more convenient than mammography. Now, if a man had to lay out their sensitive parts in a vice, I think they would have come up with a new device before the doctor finished saying: "put here so that I can compress them."
18. Every day you need to live as if it is the first or last day in your life. Well, in any case, the diaper will come in handy to you.