Divorce with her husband, and even more so when there are children in the family, is the strongest emotional shock. But even in the most emergency situations, so as not to make trouble and get out of the situation with the winner, it is very important to keep calm. In this article, we give 10 valuable councils of psychologists who will help a woman with children to survive a divorce safely.
In a divorce situation, first of all it is worth taking care of yourself and then about children. This is by no means egoism, but a common approach to resolving the problem. Only normalizing their psychological and mental balance, one can adequately perceive the world around. Believe me, first of all, the children want to see mom happy and smiling, and not a gluable and depressive mother sacrifice with dark circles under the eyes.
Understand and accept what happens to you
According to psychologists, feelings that are experiencing during a divorce, similar to the state in the loss of a loved one. A woman is experiencing the tightest palette of feelings, in the same sequence:
1. Shock state - Mind refuses to believe in what is happening.
2. Then anger, hatred and anger comes, attacks of uncontrolled aggression.
3. As soon as the second stage passes, the woman takes attempts to return his beloved, with any ways.
4. At this stage, the awareness of what happened, which often leads to apathy and depression.
5. The final stage is the adoption of a situation where a woman understands the inevitability of the divorce, put up with reality and thinks about how to live on.
First you need to figure out, at what stage at the moment you are, what you feel and what emotions are worried. This seemingly a small step - a great internal progress.
Take a break
The heaviest gap after the divorce, called the "shock phase" lasts about 2-3 months. It is dangerous that it is dangerous that you can make a bunch of mistakes, which then the person will regret.
Therefore, to prevent such a time out. At this time, it is impossible to take some solutions and even more so to act. You need to give time to your psyche and the brain to stabilize, and only then think rationally and weighed.
Try to dose your negative
Testing a bouquet of negative emotions during a divorce - ok, and you should not try to suppress it in yourself and pretend that everything is fine. You need to let your psyche survive not the best period of life, but to do it right.
Do not grieve around the clock - learn to lead your emotions. The technique of suffering in time works well. Highlight yourself a week a few hours in order to plunge into all experiences, pay and completely give in to emotions. But as soon as the time comes out - come back to normal life.
Return yourself to "here and now"
So that the emotional irritation was easier to be easier, it is useful to return itself to the state "here and now." As soon as it rolls the wave of experiences - look around and think about what is happening at the moment - as the sun shines, how the leaves grow on the trees, as birds fly - it will distract the brain. Think about the fact that there is no past and future - there is only the present, current time. As practice shows, this is a very effective technique that quickly removes the internal tension.
Do not be afraid to ask for help
Despite the fact that women are from nature weak creatures, it is difficult for them to ask for help and shame not as successful. This is a big mistake that can lead to nervous breakdowns. Therefore, it is not worth playing the role of the mother of the heroine and pull all the problems on their fragile shoulders. Feel free to ask for help from acquaintances, relatives and friends. For most people close to you, it will not be exactly a problem to help you, for example, in domestic issues.
Think about your health
When psychological health is under threat, physical can come to the rescue.
Therefore, try to establish your work and recreation mode, go to the right nutrition and do your body - walk more often, sign up in the gym or yoga. The physical activity contributes to the development of joy hormones, which means stress will be easier.
Allow and promise yourself pleasure
Write on paper everything that brings you pleasure - needlework, watching movies, hiking with girlfriends in a cafe, sleep, cosmetics, shopping, fragrant coffee or something else. It doesn't matter what it will be, the main thing is that it always pleased.
Then make a contract with you that at least once a week you will give yourself at least one puncture of the listed one. The main thing is to keep a promise and not looking for reason why make it impossible.
Now that your own state has stabilized, take action to help children.
Do not take attempts to set up a child against father
The psychology of the child is built in such a way that they perceive themselves as 50% -Mama, 50% -Pap, so if we talk about what their father is insignificant, dishonest and in general fu, all these words they will apply to themselves as At least half. Everything is bad that you direct your former, automatically heads for children.
The child cannot separate himself from his father, and at the same time he arises a great desire to please his mother - it gives rise to internal conflict in it, which in most cases leads to very poor consequences. Remember that the divorce takes place between you and your husband, it is for you he is a foreign person, but for children you still stay with your loved ones and dad.
Tell the children that they are not to blame for your divorce
For any child, the divorce of parents is akin to the universal catastrophe, and they shift all the blame for themselves. It is not necessary to think that everything will be held by itself that there is nothing terrible in this - be sure to talk with the child about what he thinks about his experiences. In conversations, be sure to emphasize that there are no guilt in what is happening.
Create emotional security for children
Children see and perceive the world around the world through the reaction of the parents. It is by the reaction of adults that they judge the scale and seriousness of change in their lives. If they have irritable, aggressive or apathetic parents go to them - this will lead the child to depression. In his head, the thought process develops in style, "Mom's time is bad, it means that the situation is intractable and will never be good."
Therefore, it is important to look in front of the child in a raised mood, do not shout and not swear with a former husband, it is more often for the holidays of holidays and fun walks, behave calmly. Let the child understand that everything is fine, and that your words sound convincingly, believe in them yourself.
