With the onset of the crisis in family relationships, many begin to build plans for divorce, without attempting to save marriage. However, the divorce is a serious step, and it should be done slowly, carefully and coolly weighing all "for" and "against". Marriage is a partnership of two different people, and emerging difficulties - natural. In order not to burn bridges, but to understand whether the divorce is really needed, just answer themselves for 9 questions.
1. Do I really need a divorce or do I need a different relationship with my spouse?
There is a big difference between the marriage of the unfortunate and marriage, which will not save anything. Couples often come to psychologists who have problems and which they are not able to solve without any assistance. If in your marriage you do not suit something in the relationship itself, but at the same time the man of the roads and you want to be with him, then you should work on mistakes and discuss everything with your half. Remember, divorce is an extreme measure.
2. Did you add help to experts and tried to work on relationships?
Unfortunately, family therapy does not always give the desired results, but even if the specialist could not help - this is not a reason to lower his hands. It is possible that the selected specialist is not enough knowledge and skills to help - you can try to choose another psychotherapist. Moreover, each of them has its own techniques. And, by the way, if a specialist says that the marriage cannot be saved - it is definitely changed.
However, even from a first-class specialist should not be waiting for magical actions - the effectiveness of his practices for the most part depends on you. Both partners must be open and ready to change. The marriage has every chance of restoration only if the partners themselves want to be together and experience warm feelings to each other.
3. Or maybe many stresses have fallen out lately?
Serious tests and difficulties sooner or later come even in the happiest pairs. Strong and pronounced ones, financial problems, loss of work of one of the partners, problems with conception, etc. When this arises, the risk of divorce is significantly increasing. If your life is filled with stress, then even small problems in the relationship will seem huge and irreparable - in stress, a person loses the ability to think intelligently.
Therefore, if the thoughts of the divorce visited with the arrival of difficulties - do not hurry with the decision, let yourself understand the troubles, and only then appreciate the situation of the cold head. Moreover, you are the team, and in the team to cope with problems much easier.
4. Do I recognize my guilt?
In any conflict, both are to blame for both, and it doesn't matter much, as specifically, the partner behaves and how behalf of themselves. There are no perfect and completely innocent people, especially in relationships. It is difficult to evaluate your actions - perhaps somewhere you are unnecessarily criticized, underestimate, do not keep your word, make up problems arising, and then offended by the partner's inattention, which does not suspect anything at all.
Recognize your guilt - does not mean to blame themselves in all problems. This means, take responsibility for your words, actions, and the partner must be responsible for its own. Understanding where the error was made, you can build an action plan for correcting the situation.
5. This marriage was originally a mistake, or did the process be in trouble?
There are cases when the couples entering into marriage are initially not ready for family relations, just they themselves do not understand. Because of this, their problems arise almost from the very beginning of family life. This often happens when the union is recorded very quickly and both simply did not have time to learn their partner to sufficiently. Or, when marriage was performed due to unplanned pregnancy, when all relatives insisted on legalizing relations. If this is your case, then placing a divorce, just understand this important lesson for the future and try not to step on the same rake.
If the decision on the marriage was made reasonably, after a long relationship and the decision did not affect third-party persons, now, now, with the moment of problems, you just need to work on errors, reconsider your approach to building relationships and understand that it's still not In the "incorrect" partner.
6. If the reason for my divorce in poor-quality sex, was there any attempts to fix everything?
To solve problems in intimate life, it is not necessary to contact the specialists. The troubles of such a plan are successfully resolved with the participation of two. As statistics show, ideally compatible couples in this regard, there will always be something that is like alone and is not acceptable for another. At the beginning of relationships, sex is almost always enchanting, but every year it becomes more and more fresh - but it's easy to fix it.
Talk to the partner frankly, tactfully tell me that you are not satisfied and what would like to change. Listen to it. In order for the conversation to be successful, you need to be as frank as possible, not accuse each other and not criticize. Divorce due to poor sex is not the most successful reason. After all, to adjust in this regard and establish sex much easier than to look for a relative soul.
7. Is my expectations in the field of family life and spouse are not too overestimated?
In the period of the candidate and bought period, the pair is so busy with the likeness of each other, which it seems to them as if it always remains so. The husband will give every week to give flowers, talk compliments, smell in perfume, and the wife will always walk like under the parade, adore clean the cleanliness in the house and cook dinners. And what is the disappointment when everything is with an accuracy of the opposite. And all because a joint life is no longer a daily holiday.
At the expense of its own role in the relationship of expectations is no less overestimated. A woman plans that even after marriage, she will be able to build a career, plenty of managing himself and live on its own schedule. Upon fact, it is half a day to stand at the slab, stirring the soup with one hand, another to teach the lessons with the child, and swing a carriage with a baby. It is unlikely that someone exactly expects this from the marriage union.
Many on the theme of marriage and partner are very high expectations, so it is worth looking at the situation of Head. If you are not ready for the household part of living together, then you may have not yet matured before marriage - not all people have a family warehouse, and there is no one to blame.
8. And is there a third?
When the crack in the relationship arose due to one-time treason, flirting, dating sites - a person is very difficult to understand where and how to move on. And the first thing you need to answer - wasn't this infidelity partner by the desire to "escape" from the problems existing in relationships? Very often, with proper revelation with you, the answer to the question is positive. When a lot of domestic problems arise in the family, and the spouses forgot about how each other love, it seems that the relationship has come to the end. And so I want romance and feelings of love ...
The lover / lover allows you to feel like a newly in love with a teenager, which is in a walk on a date, is waiting for the next meeting. But before you decide on a divorce because of the new "love" it is worth looking back on statistics. About 75% of relations "on the side" do not develop into something serious. Often, cheating itself occurs even because of the reason that I liked another person, but because of the thirst for something new. However, it is possible to achieve this in marriage, simply by sending your inner gust of romanticism to already existing relationships.
9. Do I love my spouse?
Love does not guarantee that relationships will be scheduled to be 100%, but there are more chances with it. If you are experiencing a partner at least the slightest sparkle, then you should not throw a relationship - just try to fight, and you will always have time to dilute.
