Not all children with features look like in a movie about the "man of rain" or traveling in America Chan. Often others think that the child is simply fascinated, does not try, poorly raised. Those who are confident that parents do not know how to handle the child can begin to pester with advice, comments and even insults. The consequences of such an improvement attack may have different, from simple resentment and fright, until the nervous system is overloading, which will turn into hysterics or strengthening oddities in behavior.
We asked several moms, whose children seem to be someone else's balobists, which is how they live with an almost ordinary child in the world of constant criticism.
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I have a pretty five-year-old child with "smart eyes." From him and waiting for ordinary behavior: endless "why", some kind of kindergartens. And he hardly supports dialogue and in a difficult situation (that is, with outsiders) almost completely passes to Echolalia.- Do you like ice cream?
- I like ice cream.
- And who do you want to be?
- Do you want to be.
Well, here people look strange ... at me. And since they are not attenna what is happening, and if I say "autism" - they decide that it is a bust for such a "smart boy," they come to the conclusion that I, for example, talking about a little with a child, or to the old man He did not take it, or some medicines did not find it - in general, to the best of his ideas that children help.
I listen to the next tips, but for some reason no one listens to mine - how best to communicate with the child, and it remains without communication.
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A six-year-old girl reads quickly, he knows a few children's encyclopedia, multiplies and divides in the mind. And at the same time, household problems may sometimes be forgotten and described, still does not cover shoelaces, with difficulty staging buttons and even buttons (confuses places, it is difficult to press as it follows). May cry suddenly, like kids when tired. It can start repeating individual words by a person, very likes incomprehensible or foreign and rolling them in a circle.
It is very angry when I tell me that it was damaged in mind because I made her little to learn. I have never forced it, she and read, and multiply somehow learned himself.
Recently put to us autism, but explain what kind of uneven development from autism is, it is like talking to emptiness. Immediately, autism happened because the child was early learned to read.
She also needs to twist in his hands all the time to feel calm, and she is trying to take her toys to make it, so as not to be indel.
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Usually it happens so - angry people are pumped up and begin to shout.Sometimes they can be understood ("Your boy has risen my child from the neck of the cross"), sometimes no ("Why does your child spit on the floor in the store?!")
If my son is really to blame, then I am not wrong, why the Krestik was put in the class of Aikido, I apologize, I ask what compensations people want.
In general, when you calmly say "the child has disability, autism," most often people calm, apologize for themselves and depart. But sometimes no, continue to demand that it becomes decent right now. You have to ask "and what do you suggest to put it on?"
But the hardest people are pseudorovative. "This is how God shook you," or there "It's because the parents [Blud] were engaged, such children are born," there was such a "at home there is not enough temple, it is necessary to commit every day, and everything will go away, and his demons will be released." Here I usually breaks the roof and I start talking to real nasty, like "good health, especially oncological." It is good that such people do not come across every day.
In fact, for a strange glance, the child "just" is epically restless, inattentive, disrespectful and sharp; Such a cartoon duder in Cuba. Nor in the face, nor in the figure, nor in a manner moves a nonspecialist in life nothing cares.
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About my girl the years said that she did not try here and not trying there. Why do you have a sullen face, why don't you understand jokes, how can you seriously be afraid of the holiday, why do you have all the time of tears, you just talk about ... just try, gather, answer all the way and smile, and you will be friends and not to be friends and not will tease.
How can you not understand that you are hungry, got sick, do you hurt you, what are you, fool? These are questions.
Probably it seemed to them that everything was simple, because the girl herself was always very smart and pretty in appearance, polite, read a lot (and now, of course, reads). But the sensory overload and now it is not easy. Previously, the girl just Kamenene, now she begins to search how to retire, if overwhelmed, or at least unload. Over the years, their ways have developed.
But then, all the more incomprehensible, as a person can be considered silly and smart at the same time.
She knew how to smile, just when you tense for some reason, it's not pulling to smile, and it is logical. And its tears are worth a lot, they can not be embarrassed, the tears are hardened when she is in an unbearable situation for himself, but trying to continue to act, talk to people and tense because of this to the limit. They do not even flow, just in the corners of the eye are recruited. As you can adopt a man tears, I still do not understand.
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My boy is small, including in size, and very charismatic. It is possible that that is why the particularly delivered comments from passersby somehow does not overpass. Infrequently, in any case. Mostly people are dying - my almost five-year-old son looks like for three years and sometimes behaves about the same.The most difficult thing is public transport. For some reason, the greatest number of aggressive inadequate met in the tram. One unpleasant aunt did not like that the boy is dirty the back of the seat in front of him. My attempt to hand the aunt on to hold the boys sandals, so that I really would definitely stuffed anything, the auntie stubbornly ignored, and pretended that she was not here at all. The boy was screamed all this time (he is almost always yelling). In principle, Tenkinkino requirement was quite reasonable, but she herself was painfully nasty.
Others usually have done to the fact that the boy lies on the floor, which actually does not touch anyone.
In general, all problems with my son relate to the management system built into it. He almost does not listen to voice teams, does not respond when they appeal to him and loves to run away in the store. True, fueling and being in the crowd, he immediately begins the attack of those surrounding Camp and depicts young fool, in general, while it was somehow loyal to him.
But actually, I suspect that the people are simply shirling our colorful couple, because of all the educational principles with my child, the old wise works best "cannot be defeated by chaos - to head it." And I head. We are often watching with caution and sometimes crawls, crawl ....
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My average child was diagnosed by an autistic spectrum disorder at the age of about 7 years, quite late, but it was almost imperceptibly to school, a light shape, and it was decompressed on stress, and then diagnosed. Most of all I was struck by one of the psychologists, which I previously respected, and which trusted. She said then that my child is simply spoiled and it is necessary to smoke.
Now he is thirteen and it is quite compensated, my father and I have invested a lot in it. But there are people who are annoyed by his imminentness, and in general "but what he does not do something, it is not interested in those, this, does not go to walk alone. And one mother of the child with the race I told me, comparing with him, apparently: well, here you have something to know about it.
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In general, my boy (he has an autistic spectrum disorder) Not only that he does not speak and makes funny faces, he also walks like a zombie in the film: putting a hand forward, shaking and laughing on both legs (now, however, less) than wild scares dogs. And passersby in the dark day.
But in general, which is amazing that it is just clear that everything is not very good, but it doesn't prevent people at all, to recommend to do more, give it to the eternally fluttering hands, so as not to make and explain to him that it is impossible to behave .
And it does not make anything forbidden, it just buzzes on the same volume, what people talk, or laugh without an obvious reason. Or the face builds himself, just he has a grotesque and very expressive. Sometimes whine.
In general, acutely negative reaction is not a lot, but the country of tips for the country of the Soviets. Orthodox perseverably recommend going for a thousand kilometers to attach or chat with elders to something. In their understanding, a feat with a risk for the life of a child must atone for something there and make a miracle. I politely say "Thank you", because to explain why I do not want to torment and expose the danger of the core and the epileptic I shouted. Mission Impossible.
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I have a highly sensitive child, and even with a psychological trauma. And you live on the verge all the time, because everyone strives to express his opinion when you are almost a five-year plan in your arms or when the girl begins to cry because of sensory overload or hunger. She does not have a safety reserve, "That's fine, and suddenly she has already broken. I usually understand what's the matter.And if the old woman comes to you, and you will answer her: "I did not ask your opinion," - or: "Thank you, we will deal with ourselves," all around you immediately attack you that you offended the old woman. True, no old woman after that was silent. Usually or begin to shout, or attack on: "I see how you understand!"
Often there are situations where other people's adults comment on the appearance of a child who has chosen her face with markers, for example. Because of this, if I have a silence, the girl can experience all day and cry before bedtime.
What am I doing?
I learn to designate your borders, without moving to the identity of the one who is revealed to us. We memorize the wording. And I explain my daughter what is happening. What our relationship with her is our relationship that people behave incorrectly, expressing their opinion about us, and I pointed it to them.
It is impossible to be silent. First, the attackers do not silence, if you are silent, secondly, what I did not stand for her, the girl is very wound.
My maternal life in Socium is a permanent border service. Which has nothing to do with the hyperopica, as I sometimes say. Because I answer only in response to obvious attacks.
When the environment is calm, problems are solved easily. Comforting a child, give a gingerbread, chocolate or milk bag, and that's it. But calm everything passes through time. Very often there are wishing to speak.
At the same time, the girl is socially trouble-free, polite and what is called brought up.
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I have a child who does not coincide with the passport. That is, he looks for 2 years older than his passport, and leads for 2 years younger. At the same time, according to the official diagnosis, we are not authors, but some kind of garbage. Officially - children's infantilism.
And this is the inconsistency of what people see, and how he behaves, surrounding regularly introduces into a stupor. For they believe that in front of them a child of grade 3, and we only this year to school. And the social reaction is generally five-year plan. As a result, there are regular aunt with resemblances regularly.
Stories gathered Lilith Mazikina
Illustrations: shutterstock