Ubudlelwano, bobabili abathandanayo no-Platonica, bungavame ukuba nzima. Iningi lobudlelwano kufanele litshale imali eningi, ikakhulukazi lapho kuza izikhathi ezinzima. Noma kunjalo, kukhona nobudlelwano obunjalo obungamane buvuselela impilo yomuntu oyedwa noma bobabili. Namuhla sizoxoxa ngqo nenketho yokugcina, futhi ngezibonakaliso zokuthi kungabonakala sengathi imizwa ekhanyayo ingahle ibe nempilo engokomzimba, yengqondo noma engokomqondo.
1. Ukuhamba okungapheli "ukuhamba okhalweni lommese"
Uma umuntu ngokungazelele wazibamba ecabanga ukuthi wayehlala elalela futhi akazange anqume ukusho okuthile noma ukwenza "ngezinkinga" ezingaba khona ekhaya, okungenzeka ukuthi omunye umuntu wenza okuthile ukuze umlingani wakhe angenzi kanjalo. Kulokhu, kunethuba lokuthi ubudlelwano bungaholeli kunoma yini enhle.2. Ukuzizwa kushukunyiswa
Ubudlelwano kufanele bungeze okuthile empilweni, kepha hhayi ukuthatha. Uma umuntu ehlala ethatha umlingani, akaphumelelanga ezama ukuvikela imibono yakhe, "akabukeki", aziphathe ngokungelutho, akumangalisi ukuthi ngasikhathi sinye uzizwa ukhathazekile ngokomzwelo nangokomzimba.
3 Umuzwa wokungahloniphi noma omunye umuntu
Ochwepheshe abaningi ebudlelwaneni bazokusho ukuthi inhlonipho ingenye yezimo eziphambili zobudlelwano obuhle. Kunzima ukuhlala nomunye umuntu ngokuthi ungumlingani olinganayo, uma ungakuhloniphi. Ngakho-ke, uma kungazelelwe kutholakale ukuthi ngokuqinisekile ngeke kuhlonishwe uhhafu wakho noma unomuzwa wokuthi azikuhloniphi, kufanelekile ukuzibuza ukuthi kungani kwenzeka ukuthi kungani kwenzeka ukuthi kungani kwenzeka ukuthi kungani kwenzeka ukuthi kungani kwenzeka ukuthi kungani kwenzeka ukuthi kungani kwenzeka ukuthi kungani kwenzeka ukuthi kungani kwenzeka ukuthi kungani kwenzeka ukuthi kungani kwenzeka.
4 Ukuntuleka kokuzethemba phakathi kwabalingani
Imayelana nokufana nangenhlonipho. Uma kungekho ukuzethemba ebudlelwaneni, kwathi-ke abantu bangenalutho.
Izinkinga zokuxhumana ezi-5
Ukuxhumana kuyinto ebusayo kakhulu esekela ubudlelwano obuhle. Ungathembela, ngenhlonipho futhi uthande omunye umuntu, kepha uma kungekho ukuxhumana, konke kuzonyamalala ngokushesha. Uma kunokwehluleka njalo nokungaqondi kwezokuxhumana, kuvela izinkinga. Kuya ngokuthi konke kuqhubeka kanjani, ubudlelwano bungaqala ukulimaza bobabili.
6 Ukuthukwa okuqondile
Inhlamba kwenzeka ngezindlela eziningi: ngokwesibonelo, ngokomzwelo, ngokomzimba, ngokwengqondo nangokomoya. Kuyisibonakaliso esisobala kakhulu ukuthi ubudlelwano bukhule bunobuthi.7 Enye yezinhlangothi (noma zombili) zizwa sengathi ihlala isekelwa phansi
Isibonakaliso esikhulu sendoda enobuthi siyonke ukuthi uzokwenza konke ukuze azizwe "ngenhla" komunye futhi alawule. Enye indlela yokwenza kube ukuzama ukuphoqa abanye ukuba bazizwe becindezelekile futhi bengabalulekile. Ngokushesha, lokhu kungenza noma ibuphi ubuhlobo obunobuthi.
Abagxeki baphakade abangama-8
Ukugxekwa okwakhayo kulabo abathembela, empeleni kungaba yinto enhle. Kodwa-ke, uma ukugxekwa kuba ithuluzi lokuphoqelela umlingani ukuzwa ukuthi ngeke aze akwazi ukwenza okuthile okulungile, sekuvele kusobala okungenampilo.9 "Ingxenye" konke kubalulekile
Ubudlelwano obunempilo busho lokho okudingayo hhayi kuphela "ukuthatha", kepha futhi "nokunikela." Futhi kubo kubonakaliswa yiqiniso lokuthi lapho unikeza okuningi, kulapho uthola khona. Uma bobabili bobabili bagxile enjabulweni yomunye umuntu, konke kuhamba kahle. Ngobudlelwano obunobuthi, ayikho into enjalo, futhi umuntu oyedwa angaba, injabulo kabani ngaphezu kwakho konke. Kuyafaneleka nje ukukhumbula ukuthi injabulo yomuntu siqu nayo ibalulekile.
10 Akukho ukukhula
Yize bonke ubudlelwano bunokunyusa futhi kuphansi, uma bengakhuli "futhi bengakhuli, kungasho ukuthi sekuyisikhathi sokuqhubeka. Uma ubudlelwane bengakhuli, ekugcineni kuzoyeka nokukhula komuntu siqu.11 Kuhlala kukhona idrama
Idrama ivame ukukhulisa izinga lokuxineka futhi , izinga le-cortisol ne-adrenaline. Yize kwesinye isikhathi kungahle kubhekwe ngisho nokuphilile, uma lokhu kuyinto evamile kubo bobabili, izinzwa azinamkhawulo. Uma umuntu ebona ukuthi kuhlale kunedrama ebudlelwaneni bakhe, sekuyisikhathi sokwazisa ukuthi kungani lokhu kwenzeka. Ingabe sikhona isizathu esihle salokhu.
12 Awukho umqondo "okudingeka uwuthathe futhi unikeze"
Njengoba kushiwo ngaphambili, ngobudlelwano obunempilo obudingayo ukunikela nokuthatha, futhi akukhona nje ngentokozo. Umqondo wokuthi "unikeze futhi uthathe" futhi uhlinzeka ngebhalansi yokuhlangabezana nezidingo ezingokomzwelo, ezingokomzimba nezokomoya zalowo nalowo. Uma izidingo zomuntu siqu zihlala zihlatshelwa komunye umuntu, ubudlelwano budinga umsebenzi obucayi.13 Ubudlelwano buthembele ekubeni yiqembu elithile.
Uma ngabe yiliphi iqembu noma umphakathi kuyisidingo sokugcina ubudlelwano, mhlawumbe thanda lapha futhi akuboni. Yize kubalulekile ukuba nezintshisakalo ezifanayo zokusungula isisekelo sobudlelwano, ubudlelwano akufanele buphele uma omunye wabalingani nganoma yisiphi isizathu enquma ukushiya iqembu noma inhlangano.
14 umlingani noma umngani ulawula ingxenye yabo
Lokhu mhlawumbe kuyisibonakaliso esikhanyayo sobudlelwano obunobuthi. Uma impilo iba njalo ngempilo yomunye umuntu futhi ihluke kakhulu ezifisweni zomuntu, isikhathi sokubuyisa impilo yakhe kuye.15 Ultimatum komunye nomunye
Yize kulezi zinsuku kunzima kakhulu ukuthola uthando olungenamibandela nokusekelwa, ubudlelwano akufanele buchume kuma-ultimatums. "Yenza kanjalo nje ...", "Uma ukwenze ...", njll - lokhu kungenye uphawu olulawulwa khona umuntu.
Ukuphoqelela ukwenza izenzo ezithile
Ukuphoqelelwa ukuthi kwenze okuthile ngokumelene nentando yakho, akulusizo ngokuphelele empilweni yengqondo noma yemizwa. Ngeke kuholele kunoma yini enhle.17 Zizwe mubi kakhulu kunaphambi kokuba ubuhlobo baqale
Nakulokhu futhi, noma ibuphi ubudlelwano obekufanele bugcinwe kufanele bulethe okuthile okusha empilweni. Uma konke okwenza umuntu osondelene naye, kudida futhi kwenze kube kubi, sekuyisikhathi sokuhamba. Uma umuntu ezizwa embi kakhulu ngenxa yaleso (imikhuba yakhe, izenzo, njll.), Lokhu kuwuphawu lokuthi umlingani wakhe akayona into enhle "yesengezo" empilweni yakhe.
18 Akukho ukuphepha kobudlelwano
Enye yezindlela zokulawula abantu abanobuthi baphendukela kuwo ukuthi baphoqa umlingani ukuthi azizwe engaqinisekile ebudlelwaneni. Uma umuntu engaqiniseki ngokuthile, kuzoba lula ukukhohlisa futhi akulawule.