Muva nje, sishicilele ukucabanga kwe-columnist yethu ella derzayi mayelana nokuthi kungenzeka yini ukukhulisa ingane hhayi i-neurotic. Can! Kepha ukukwenza ncamashi kanjani - kusho i-psychotherapepist adrian izh. Ohlontweni "lwemikhandlu elimazayo".
Ake sithi unengane, futhi ufuna okubi kuphela. Well, kwenzeka. Uyakuthoba. Futhi udinga imiyalo yokuthi ungamphanga kanjani impilo - kube kanye.Isayensi ifika ku-Aid - Amakhulu abaphenyi bezengqondo asebenze ukuze asinikeze inketho yokusebenza. Ekuthuthukisweni kwecebo, ngasebenzisa ucwaningo lwabafundi bakaLaura Weiss noSchwartz Conrad (2005), izingane kanye nabazali beKaisa Annola noJari Eric Melci (2009), ucwaningo lukaKoshanis waseRobersk naye Ozakwabo (2000, 2006), kanye nokubuyekezwa kwethiyori ezifundweni zanamuhla zezitayela zama-endrew collins kanye nozakwabo (2000).
Futhi komama abajwayelekile abathanda kakhulu abafuna izingane zabo zibe zinhle, impilo kanye nempumelelo, ekugcineni sizotshela ukuthi yiziphi izinhlobo zokulawula eziholela emiphumeleni emihle. Ngakho-ke, ukukhuluma, ukusetshenziswa kabili - izinambuzane zangempela zifunda ukuthi akunakwenzeka kanjani, futhi-ke, uma akwanele, lezi zinqwaba (noma lesi sisu) zizokhula zijabule futhi zijabule.
Ngakho-ke, kunezinhlobo ezimbili zokulawula, okuthi, ngengxenye enkulu, zizokonakalisa impilo yengane yakho - Ukuvinjwa kwe-Samurai nokugunyazwa okubonakalayo.
Ukulawulwa kwesitayela se-ninja
Indlela yokuqala ilula kakhulu: Uyabona ukuthi awunayo ingane. Hamba naye, kahle ... cishe, njenge-squirrel epaki - shiya ukudla nezingubo endaweni evelele. Ungakhulumi naye, ungazifundisi, ungayi emihlanganweni yabazali, ungazisoli lapho eshaya, ungahambi ndawonye lapho ekhala, ayeke noma yimaphi amaqembu ngaphandle kweminyaka Futhi nganoma yisiphi isikhathi - nezingubo ezindaweni ezivelele. Inhlekelele ngandlela thile. Uma efika kuwe - aphendule ngokungakhethi nangoLenza. Futhi-ke, hhayi ngokushesha. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi uzoba nesithukuthezi, futhi uzobe esemuva. Kungcono ngokuxhumana konke okujwayelekile ukwenza sengathi ungakhumbuli ukuthi ngubani, nokuthi walapha kanjani.
Le yindlela efakazelwe, esezingeni eliphakeme. Izingane, nemfundo enjalo, ungamethembi noma ngubani, bonisa imiphumela ephansi kakhulu ekusebenzeni kwezifundo, ithathele izidakamizwa futhi aphuze kakhulu, ziwela kalula emabendleni, ezinkampanini ezimbi, ebudlelwaneni obuthembekile. Futhi izigebengu ziba - ngokunokwenzeka. Ucabanga, ngakho-ke ungakwazi nokukwazi nokukhulisa i-gangster yangempela! Noma bebenenhlanhla, futhi bakwazile ukuphuma bephila iminyaka engamashumi amabili nanhlanu - akukho okubi. Ngokunjalo, bayoba ne-neurosis, ukudangala, ukuzithemba okuphansi kanye nokuthambekela kokuphazamiseka kwesabekayo. Yebo, umuzwa wokuthi abadingi muntu. Ngokuvamile, impumelelo.
Ukulawulwa kwesitayela se-helikopta
Indlela yesibili ukulawula okugunyaziwe. Okokuqala, ngokwengqondo. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukukhuluma ngasikhathi sinye lapho ingane enesijeziso esincane, akukho lutho olungakwazi. Ukugcizelela ukuthi ngaphandle kwakho, ngeke afunde izifundo, angazihlambi izitsha, ngeke eze kulesi sikhungo, ngeke ashade (futhi angashadi), futhi uma esengozini. Njengoba omunye kaklayenti lami ethi: "Umama wami u-batman, futhi uzongithola yonke indawo."
Abazali abanjalo babizwa nangokuthi abazali be-helikookta - ngoba, noma ngabe bacasha kanjani, indawo yokukhanya yonke izokuba khona kwakho, nawo wonke ama-shoals akho. Umzali onjalo kufanele abe yonke indawo lapho ingane ikhona. Inketho ephelele akufanele ikuvumele ezikhungweni zenhlalo nhlobo, kepha uma kunesidingo esinjalo - ungahamba njengothisha enkulisa yakhe kanye nothisha esikoleni. Yebo, noma okungenani ihlanza. Kepha lokhu kuhlanza kwengqondo. Okukwaziyo konke ngawo wonke umuntu, futhi kuleli cala, kuzoletha amanzi ahlanzekile. Ngasikhathi sinye, kubalulekile, kubalulekile ukuthi ungabuzi ukuthi ingane izizwa kanjani noma ifuna kanjani, - uwumama, uzwakala kangcono. Ingxoxo kufanele yakhelwe nge-oda nangesitayela esilawulayo: Lokho adinga ukukwenza lapho, kuphi futhi kufanele kulenga. Akunacala aninandaba nombono wengane. Une-shit, hhayi umbono.
Lokhu, kunjalo, kukhathele ngokwengeziwe imfundo kuneyokuqala, kepha imiphumela ihle kakhulu - lezi zingane azikwazi ukuthi zixhumana kanjani nabathandekayo, ngakho-ke kungenzeka ukuthi azihambelani nanoma yiliphi iqembu, azishadi ( Futhi uma beshada bengaphumeleli), kepha banezinkinga ezinkulu ngokutadisha, abakhumbuli okusha futhi ngokuvamile bahlola, abafana - banenjabulo baphuza izidakamizwa namantombazane - bahlushwa ukucindezelwa kanye nokuphazamiseka okuphazamisayo. Kodwa-ke, abafana nabo bahlupheka, okuncane nje.
Ukulawulwa Okuwusizo
Hlobo luni lokulawula oluwusizo? Kukhona ezimbili zazo, kanye nenketho ephumelela kakhulu - lapho zihlangana.
Uhlobo lokuqala lokulawula lwakhiwa phezu Inzalo enhle . Leyo ndlela inesithakazelo nje enganeni, futhi imdumise ngentuthuko - futhi lolu hlobo lokulawula. Imibuzo Elula "Wawunentshisekelo?", "Uyithandile?", "Wenzeni esikoleni namuhla?", "Imbali enhle kanjani!" - Siza kakhulu futhi uqaphele impilo yengane, futhi udale umuzwa wokuthi uyakudinga kahle futhi kukhona okunokwenzeka. Le ndlela efanayo ifundisa ingane ukuba inesifiso sokuvala, ifundisa uzwela, ukuzwela, ukusekelwa, okuzomsiza ngokuphumelelayo nethimba, ukusungula okuthile okusha.
Okwesibili - umsebenzi . Ingane idinga ukwakheka, uhlelo, ama-algorithms angasebenza ngalo. Kuhle uma ehlanganyela ekuthuthukisweni kwabo, kodwa yena ngokwakhe uza nabo. Futhi izinhlaka ezinjalo kufanele ziguquguquke ngokwanele, ziqhubeke ezinsizakalweni zengane futhi zishintshe ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ngakho-ke siyaseseka ingane, siyifunda ukuthi iyizimele futhi ingaguquki. Kwakha umthwalo wezenzo zakhe, ufundise "kukhona indlovu ezingxenyeni" - ukuxazulula izinkinga.
Izingane ezivela emindenini lapho zisetshenziswa khona izinhlobo ezimbili zokulawula zivikeleke emiphumeleni yezinkampani ezimbi, utshwala nezidakamizwa nezidakamizwa aziguquguquki, noma ngabe zingenabazali abaseduze, zikhuluma kahle ne Isibonelo sokuzibandakanya emisebenzini yesayensi, ngokwesibonelo. Kancane kakhulu ukushayisana ngokudangala, i-neurosis kanye nokuphazamiseka okuphazamisayo. Ngakho-ke, uma ufuna izingane zezingane zakho - manje usazi nokuthi yini okufanele uyenze.
Kuyathakazelisa ukuthi yini enye eyenziwa yi-psychology? Funda! Ungazazisa kanjani wena - izincomo ze-psychologumak ukuze ukwazisa ngokwakho - izincomo ze-psyschotherapistasm ingane idinga ubaba? Ngokombono we-Persochetheripist ukuze ube, uma uthandana "hhayi kulokho"? Izincomo ze-Psychotherapist